Get Clear About How You Feel About Change
Some people are all about change. They are all about self-improvement and personal development. Their end tables are filled with books to help them change and grow. They like to improve systems or watch people improve. They want new and different. They place a high value on change in many forms.
Other people tend to be happy enough with things staying the same much of the time. They tend to be satisfied enough with their lot in life and don't really know what all the fuss is about in terms of "self-improvement." They like for things to be dependable and reliable. Change might be something they get used to, but it is not something they enjoy. They place a high value on the status quo.
When "changers" and "status quo'ers" are in a relationship with each other, it can cause a lot of conflicts. "Changers" become impatient with those who don't seem to be interested in self-improvement, and "status quo'ers" get annoyed by the constant transitions of those who thrive on change.
Here's an exception to this rule: kids often appear like they don't want to change anything, which tends to make their parents crazy even if the kids are changers and even if the parents are status-quoers.
So the tip here is to get to know yourself, your kids, and your styles around change. Ask yourself how you deal with change. Are you a "changer" or "status quo-er?" What are your partner's and kids' styles? Are there glimmers of hope that your child might be a change agent in ANY aspect of their life? (BTW – do not expect them to want to clean their room – be realistic!) You don't necessarily need to do anything about it right now. Just notice, acknowledge everyone's feelings surrounding it, and see what comes up.