Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the Parenting with Impact podcast. Today, we’re going to shift gears a bit. Our guest is Alysson Bourque, and we’ll be talking about how to communicate effectively with kids.

Alysson’s expertise is truly remarkable, and you can find more details in the show notes. She is the author of the Alycat series of children’s books and is passionate about helping parents navigate conversations with kids about complex emotions, friendships, trying new things, and even managing fear.

So, Alysson, you have such an interesting background—you’ve been a lawyer and a teacher. What inspired you to start writing books for children?

Alysson Foti Bourque: I’ve always loved writing. When I was little, I used to write poetry, and in class, I’d finish my work and then start writing for fun. I’ve always known I had a creative side.

I have a background in elementary education and even taught school for a year. However, I always knew I wanted to become an attorney. So, I taught for a year to save enough money to attend law school. After that, I went off to law school and eventually practiced law for almost eight years as an assistant attorney general.

My work involved representing the state, participating in defense trials, writing trial briefs, conducting research, and helping people navigate problem-solving. I loved the work, particularly because it involved so much writing.

Even so, I kept feeling drawn back to helping children. At the time, I had two young kids—four and six years old—and I decided to take a break from practicing law to spend more time with them during those precious early years.

One night, as my husband and I were putting them to bed, they asked to read books we’d already read a thousand times. Then they asked, “Can we get some new books?” We already had so many books, and I was trying to be frugal and mindful. So, I said, “Why don’t I write you a story? You go to bed, and tomorrow I’ll read it to you.”

Their excitement was infectious. They were jumping up and down, thrilled by the idea, and their enthusiasm made me excited too. So, after putting them to bed, I went downstairs and wrote what eventually became the first Alycat book.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: That's awesome. What a great story.

Alysson Foti Bourque: It was so fun and so of course, it didn't take off from that day. I had to end up querying agents and publishers and had over 200 rejection letters, but kept trying and I think because my children believed in me and believed in this goal, I believed in myself. It's like the tables were turned.

Diane Dempster: They're like your cheerleader. That's beautiful.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Well, and that's such a beautiful theme in our community with parents and complex kids is that our kids need us to believe in them and to see what's possible for them sometimes when they can't see it for themselves. And so what a beautiful flip that really your kids were holding this belief in you in a way that had you wanted to step into that.

Alysson Foti Bourque: Right, because I didn't know that. I knew I loved to write. I didn't think I was any good at it, but I figured if they liked my stories and maybe others would, I read it to them the next night and they loved it. They had all these wild endings to help with the story, and it just grew from there.

Diane Dempster: So many different directions we could go. Like, what just came up, as you were saying that, Alysson, is that it's that collaboration. Like, there's this thread of collaboration that you had because your kids were your cheerleader, and then it's like they had great ideas for the ending. What were some of the things you did to really foster and connect with your kids as you're going through this process?

Alysson Foti Bourque: I would often remember the things that really affected my kids. At ages four, six, or eight, they become deeply involved in their fears—things like not being invited to a birthday party, feeling left out, or worrying they don’t measure up. It’s inevitable for children to come home with those kinds of issues.

When these problems arose, I would reflect on them and ask myself, “How should we, as humans, navigate these challenges?” As a mom, my instinct was to fight for my child, but that’s not always the best approach. Sometimes, we have to be patient, work through the emotions, and guide our children as they learn to work through them too.

The stories I write are often inspired by situations my kids went through or even things I experienced as a child. But instead of approaching these challenges with a "mama bear" mentality, I focused on teaching my kids how to navigate their problems, find resources, and develop the skills to pull themselves out of whatever was affecting them.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Beautiful. So the real emphasis that I'm hearing is that it's not just telling kids, how do you do this? But it's working with kids to resource themselves to see what's important to them and to come up with their own problem-solving and their own solutions.

Alysson Foti Bourque: Absolutely. So all of the books and the themes in the books are very subtle. It doesn't give a clear directive of, here's how you solve being left out. There are actually ways by creativity or the help of a friend doing something that you've done before and having confidence in that to help solve these problems because kids don't want to be lectured to. They want to be a part of the solution.

Diane Dempster: What’s coming up for me as you say that is how, as parents, we often get tripped up by our kids being uncomfortable. Right? It’s that feeling of, I don’t want my child to feel this way. Maybe it reminds us of when we felt left out in high school or some other time, and we don’t want our kids to repeat those patterns.

A lot of times, our response is to flip the switch and say things like, Don’t worry about it, or You’ll be fine. We almost reverse the emotionality and end up discounting their feelings.

When we do that, we miss the opportunity to really help our kids figure out how to both honor what they’re feeling and work through solving the problem at hand. It’s kind of a combination of the two. Does that resonate?

Alysson Foti Bourque: Yes, exactly. When my kids were younger, I would try to cushion their falls—both physically and emotionally. But as they grew, I realized that with bigger kids come bigger problems. They start driving and facing more complex challenges, and I wanted them to be resilient.

I began reflecting on all the times I didn’t let them experience certain failures. By shielding them, I wasn’t giving them the chance to work through difficulties and build the confidence to say, I’ve gotten through this before; I can do it again.

So, I’m learning, just as my kids are learning, that our role as parents is to be their cheerleaders. We need to provide them with resources and tools, but we also have to step back and allow them to develop resilience and perseverance on their own.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: It's so powerful. How has that shifted for you? And how is that shifting in your stories as your kids have gotten older?

Alysson Foti Bourque: It’s really interesting to see this shift because I’ve noticed that the tactics I’ve emphasized with my kids are becoming more apparent in their actions, and that comes down to consistency. As a parent, I’ll often say, Okay, let’s list the pros and cons for this situation, and we work through it together.

I’ve learned that being consistent with my kids—and in my books—is key. For example, in the Alycat series, the characters approach problem-solving through creativity, friendship, counting to ten, deep breathing, and other strategies.

These consistent techniques stick with kids, and they hold onto them when times get tough. It’s like muscle memory for the brain—it reinforces the idea that they can figure things out and accomplish what they need to.

Now that I’m working on books seven, eight, and nine, I’m maintaining that consistency with problem-solving skills. Each story handles challenges differently, but the underlying principles remain the same.

Diane Dempster: And what I'm curious about is you've got two kids. They're different than you. They're different than each other. It's like, what do? What are the tools in your toolbox? To accommodate the fact that this one might be a little bit different than that one, or they might both be a little bit different than you in terms of how they approach things?

Alysson Foti Bourque: Yes, my kids are absolutely different. My daughter is very outspoken, bold, and confident, while my son is more serious and not as vocal. Just last night, we were talking about grades because it’s almost report card time.

When we talk to my daughter, my husband and I encourage her to grab a pencil and paper to take notes and jot down reminders. She moves very quickly, which is great in many circumstances, but sometimes she goes so fast that she doesn’t have anything concrete to refer back to later.

With my son, since he isn’t as communicative as my daughter, we take a more visual approach. We show him his grades on the computer, and he uses his phone to take notes in his notes app.

We’ve learned that we need to adapt to their individual learning and communication styles. What works for one child doesn’t necessarily work for the other, so we’ve adjusted how we interact with each of them accordingly.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: For sure. So, what's your favorite topic that you've addressed in your book that you feel like, I'm so glad I did this because I feel like this has had the greatest impact.

Alysson Foti Bourque: My favorite topic is the feeling of being left out because kids and adults can experience that at any age. I still remember moments from my elementary school years when I felt anxious or scared—like during recess when I was left out or when there was a birthday party I wasn’t invited to.

I believe that using books as tools to dig deep and create our own happiness is something I wish I had learned at a younger age. It’s a lesson I’m teaching my kids now.

For example, my first book was inspired by my kids, who have a milk protein allergy. On dessert day at school, they couldn’t have ice cream like everyone else and felt left out. Instead of calling the school to complain, I decided to approach it differently.

I told them, “Tomorrow is show-and-tell, so let’s create a dessert that everyone can enjoy together.” This way, they could still participate in a shared experience, even if it wasn’t on dessert day itself.

That moment taught me that we can create our own happiness and find joy in these situations. Plus, who doesn’t love more dessert? These are the kinds of strategies I think we can all use to dig deep and foster our own happiness.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I love that notion. Create our own happiness. We need to take a quick break and we'll be right back. Welcome back, everybody. Our guest is Alysson Bourque and she is the author of the Alycat series for children what's the average age of the groups of the kids that your books are for?

Alysson Foti Bourque: It's geared towards ages three to eight and I found that even 9-10-year-olds still love reading picture books. Even adults still love reading picture books.

Diane Dempster: Well, it sounds like the messaging in it is going to be applicable regardless. I'm curious what your kid’s now, your kids are now teens. What do you hear them say and remember from through the development and the stories and everything else from the beginning?

Alysson Foti Bourque: They’ve noticed that the themes have evolved a bit. The latest book is Alycat and the Sunday Scaries. As teenagers, my kids struggle to get out of bed on Monday mornings, especially when they’re worried about a test. So, the entire book Sunday Scaries revolves around scenarios where Alycat and her friends face challenges, and they have to rely on each other. They dig deep and find the confidence to overcome their fears, working together to get through it.

My kids often say, “Oh, Mama! I see what you did there.” They can relate, especially when they didn’t want to wake up on a school day because of a test. The goal is for young readers to understand that once you get yourself out there and take action, things are often much better than you expect.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I love that your kids can see themselves in these stories and recognize their own experiences, and that they also see it as a way to help others. It’s such a beautiful thing.

So, in our community, we have parents of complex kids. As we discussed earlier, you have some background as an educator in our field. Our kids don’t always process information the same way as others. Many of their fears—whether rational or irrational—can lead them to experience rejection and redirection more intensely.

This makes it really important for parents to work closely with their kids, helping them navigate these emotions. If you pull from your stories, what advice do you have for parents supporting kids who are struggling with managing their emotions?

Alysson Foti Bourque: Whenever I go to an author visit and I notice a child struggling to manage their emotions, I always try to redirect or be very careful to ensure they’re comfortable. It’s all about comfort, and each child has their own level of comfort. If I see a child who’s frustrated during my visit, I try to understand the cause of their frustration. It might be because they can’t see the board, or because they’re overwhelmed in a large group.

Sometimes, I have the opportunity to talk with individual children, which is my favorite part of an author visit. I’ll ask them questions like, “Do you like to read? Do you like to write?” If they’re upset or crying, I might ask, “What would make you happy right now?”

If they tell me they want to be part of the event, I’ll offer them a role as my helper. I know you can’t do this with every child, but I believe there are moments where we can provide a little bit of light for those struggling. After all, we all have days when we struggle.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: What's beautiful about what you're saying is that we often talk about in our community how behavior is a symptom—a symptom that something else is going on. What you're speaking to is the ability to approach the child and ask, "What's going on underneath this?"

It's not about judging the behavior; it's about presuming that there is an explanation for it and becoming curious to understand it.

Alysson Foti Bourque: Right, and if you just talk to them and ask without scolding, you might find that it’s something simple to fix. Maybe they couldn’t see the board while we were reading, or maybe someone was getting into their personal space.

If we take the time to understand, then we can help them. And that's our job—helping them address the various challenges they might face.

Diane Dempster: What you're describing is something we teach all the time: it's not just about focusing on the situation at hand. There’s a life skill beneath it. It's about being able to solve problems, ask for help, navigate disappointment, or handle feeling left out—whatever it is.

You started us off by mentioning that the challenges these kids face are often the same ones we face as adults. So, we’re helping them navigate something they’ll need to handle for the rest of their lives, theoretically.

Alysson Foti Bourque: Right. So in the recent book, Sunday Scaries, Spotty, Alycat's best friend, is stuck in a tree. The whole group of friends comes across Spotty up in the tree, and he's scared. He can't get down, but he's done this before. That doesn't mean he won't be fearful if he tries it again on a different day. So, they band together and tell him that they support him.

They’re not just saying, "We support you," but instead, they say, "We can do it." They ask him to come down, step by step. "Keep your eyes forward, your ears on us." They count backward from ten: "Ten, nine, eight." Another friend says, "You’ve done it before, you can do it again." They're being supportive.

These are the tools I'm teaching in a very straightforward way. Instead of saying, "You need to do this, you need to do that," they offer support in a more encouraging manner.

Then, they come across Eleanor, who has a lemonade stand, and she's upset. They ask, "Why are you upset?" She says, "I'm too nervous to talk to the people— the kittens passing by." So, they say, "We can help you." They pick up the signs for the lemonade stand, and they work together.

You never know what others might be going through. One minute, you might feel confident enough to set up a lemonade stand, but once you're in the situation, your nerves can take over. It’s all about relying on your friends, taking deep breaths, and taking steps to conquer any situation that comes your way.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Love that.

Diane Dempster: So we need to start wrapping up. Alysson, if people wanted to connect with you or find your books, what's the best way for them to do that?

Alysson Foti Bourque: Sure. So they can head over to my website, alycatseries.com. I'm also on Facebook and Instagram @thealycatseries. They're free to contact me on my website and email me there.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Excellent. And we'll put all of this in the show notes for everybody. And we've also got on our reading carousel. On our website, we have a lot of parenting books and inspirational books, and then we do have a section for children's books. So we'll make sure to put it there as well.

Alysson Foti Bourque: Awesome.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: So that people can find it, and we'll put that link in. Beautiful.

Alysson Foti Bourque: Thank you so much. That's awesome.

Diane Dempster: So what, as we wrap up, is there anything we haven't covered that you want to make sure we talk about? Is there anything you want to bring back into the conversation from last time or from earlier in the conversation?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: The highlight?

Alysson Foti Bourque: Sure. I think it's important for parents to teach their children to be brave and to notice the small things in life. That’s my goal with the series—to help parents and children find that courage within and to understand that being brave is really about doing the things that make you fearful, despite being scared.

So, being brave and noticing the small victories in life, starting from there, can make a big difference. I just hope my books help readers, librarians, and teachers discover these basic tools that can brighten their day.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I love that. I used to say to my kids, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." That was kind of a mantra in our house. I love it. There was another one too: "It only takes 20 seconds of bravery." We often get so caught up in our heads about what we’re afraid will happen, which is often not even connected to reality. Once you start, it’s usually easier than we think.

So beautiful. So, Alysson, thank you for what you're doing and for the beautiful stories you’re bringing to the world. I love the journey you've been on, and we really appreciate you sharing it with our community. Diane, what am I missing? Is there a favorite motto or quote you’d like to share with our community?

Alysson Foti Bourque: Yes. So I always write in my books, be brave, and notice the small things.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Be brave and notice the small things. Beautiful.

Diane Dempster: Thank you, Alysson. As we wrap, for those of you who are listening, take a minute and capture any insight you've had from our conversation today with Alysson. What gem do you want to take back with you into your parenting or into your day?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: And as always, Alysson, thank you for being here. And for those of you listening, thank you for being here. Thank you for doing what you're doing for yourself, and your kids, bringing consciousness and intention to the way that you're parenting every day.

At the end of the day, that's what makes a difference for our kids. So thanks for your engagement. Talk to you on the next one. Take care, everybody.

Diane Dempster: Thanks, everybody. Bye.