Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Welcome back, everybody, to another conversation in the Parenting with Impact podcast. Diane and I are here today with our dear friend, colleague, and client, Melanie Sobocinski. Did I say that right?

Melanie Sobocinski: You did.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: The one and only Dr. Melanie. How about that?

Melanie Sobocinski: That'll work, too.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: We're so excited to have you here today because you wear a lot of hats in relation to us, and we to you.

Melanie Sobocinski: Hopefully only one at a time, though.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah.

Diane Dempster: That’s true. That would be exhausting. It probably already is, but that’s okay.

Melanie Sobocinski: Complicated lives, complicated children. What can I say?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Right?

Diane Dempster: So, Melanie, kick us off by giving us a little bit of the backstory. How did you end up doing what you’re doing? Maybe share a bit about how you connected with us, and we’ll go from there.

Melanie Sobocinski: Yeah, well, this is one of those “I’m the last to know” kind of stories. I was an ADHD coach, and then my kid got diagnosed. To support my kid, I got diagnosed. The person who did my diagnosis said, “You’ve got to talk to Elaine and Diane.” And when I came to you, it felt like coming home. What can I say? I love you guys—it’s the best decision I’ve ever made.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Thank you for that. I just want to take a moment to receive that acknowledgment because the feeling is mutual. Diane and I remember when we first started working with you—we’ll use the term playing with you—because you came in first as a parent, right? And then later joined us as a professional in our certification program. I’m not going to use the term “hot mess”...

Diane Dempster: Whether it was her or us!

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Any of us. When we first met you, though, you were really struggling.

Melanie Sobocinski: Yeah. You’ve got an article you wrote about complex kids and the journey of complex parents. Every time I read it, tears come to my eyes because I feel so seen. It was a real odyssey to figure out everything we needed as a family to get, as you guys put it, the tone of the home where we wanted it to be.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah. Just one more thing on that because I want to reaffirm—right? You were an ADHD coach. You had been a professional organizer. It’s not like you didn’t, quote, know this stuff, right?

Melanie Sobocinski: Yeah.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: It’s different when you’re looking at yourself and your family, isn’t it?

Melanie Sobocinski: Absolutely. What I needed was someone to hold my hand as I figured out, one small piece at a time, what changes I needed to make to put the whole picture together. It was about allowing others around me to change, so we could all grow and level up together in a way that moved us forward. Even figuring out which diagnoses to pursue next was part of that journey—doing it by identifying what changes were needed.

Then, having looked so carefully, I had to stay curious—again and again and again. It let me say, “Here’s what I’m seeing.” I could then take that to a professional and ask, “Can you see what I see too?” I was looking for validation, for that external perspective we all need sometimes, because we can’t just figure it all out in our own heads.

Diane Dempster: Well, what I know about you, Melanie, is just how fiercely you’ve advocated for your kids throughout this process. You’ve worked hard to partner with diagnosticians, therapists, and everyone else involved. I think what I’d love for you to do is instill hope and set expectations for some of our parents—that sometimes we just have to buckle down. And that’s exactly what you did, brilliantly.

Melanie Sobocinski: Yeah, I think I spent more than a year in your group coaching program just working on mornings.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah.

Melanie Sobocinski: And mornings are so much better now. That said, I still had trouble getting my kids out of the house this morning in time for this interview—because mornings are still hard. They’re just not hard in the same way anymore.

The kids keep growing and leveling up, but now we’re working together in a positive way. This morning, they even said, “Yeah, say whatever you want on the podcast. We’re super happy. Whatever you need to say.” They listen to other people in their lives talk about their parents and have said, “We really dodged a bullet there.”

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah, I totally get that. My kids would probably say the same thing. Like, “I could complain about you, but I can’t really complain because I hear my friends.” And I hear what you’re saying about mornings. I remember when mornings shifted from being horrible—because they were, or because we were late due to the yelling—to being late because we were having a great conversation.

Melanie Sobocinski: Yeah.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: And that’s a huge shift.

The other thing I want to highlight in something you said—because you mentioned it subtly, but it’s so important—is the perspective and understanding you’ve gained as a parent through this process. Right? You were a client with us for a long time before you put on your professional hat, trained with us, and became certified.

One of the key things you’ve shared is about parents gaining insights and awareness, then bringing those back to the providers. It highlights how a parent’s role is an essential part of the treatment process. The reason parents are included in recommended treatment is that we’re there all the time—we see things, and we understand things that others might miss.

When you’re a well-informed parent, doing what we call “all the right stuff,” it allows you to identify the gaps and become a better advisor to the providers supporting your kids. That makes a big difference.

Can you speak to that a little more? Because I think it’s not always easy for parents to see their role in that way. And you had such a clear experience of it.

Melanie Sobocinski: Yeah, I mean, you said it so eloquently, but I feel like I keep going in circles—productive circles. I check in here, have a conversation, gain an insight, and then take that insight around to everyone involved in the process. This sparks new insights, which I then take back to everyone again. So, when I think of myself, my family members, the teachers, providers, doctors, and specialists—we’re all part of a team.

I see myself as the person connecting and coordinating the team. But the team isn’t just focused on whichever child happens to have the most pressing issue at the moment. The team also exists for me because so much of this work revolves around how I’m responding to things. How can I grow and become a more skilled person in this moment—whether personally, as a parent, or professionally? And these insights just keep looping back, feeding into each other in a really productive way.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: The word that comes to mind isn’t “circle,” but rather “spiral.” It’s like spiraling forward—continuously moving ahead.

Melanie Sobocinski: Yes, exactly! There’s a strong growth mindset embedded in that.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah.

Diane Dempster: And it’s part of the journey—not something you shouldn’t have to do, right? I think a lot of times, as parents, we imagine, “Okay, I’ve got a diagnosis—check!”—and then we just deal with it or work from there. But there’s this iterative process you’re describing, and it’s such an important piece. Take us back to that moment when you realized things weren’t typical.

Melanie Sobocinski: Well, that keeps happening, right? There’s the first insight—you go out and get help, and it’s maybe partially helpful. Then you move forward for a while, and suddenly, you realize, “Okay, we’re still not quite on track. We’ve diverged from typical development again.” So, you go back out, seek more help, work on it, and assess: “Here’s what we’ve been able to address, and here’s where we’re still seeing gaps.” Then you go back out and find more resources.

Sometimes it’s about how much bandwidth I have to work on this. There are times when I don’t have as much capacity, and other times when we’re still integrating something. I might recognize there’s more to address, but it’s not the right time yet—either for me or for the child. Maybe the child isn’t ready for that part of the process yet. For example, we waited to get diagnoses for learning challenges until we had everything else more or less sorted out. Before that, the learning challenges wouldn’t have been visible because of all the noise from other issues.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: And just to clarify, I want to caution everyone—she’s not saying you should always wait to address one thing until you’ve handled another. For some families, diagnosing a learning disability early can actually help you address other challenges more effectively.

Diane Dempster: Exactly—other challenges too.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Right. It’s really about paying attention to your child and identifying what their next immediate need is.

Melanie Sobocinski: Yes, for that particular child. Exactly. And it’s going to be different for each child, at each age, and for each family.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah, I have a memory of one of my kids where there was a big nutritional component tied to their diagnosis early on. The psychologist referred me to a nutritionist when they were eight years old. I made the appointment, but then I canceled it because, as you just said, I couldn’t handle it.

I knew they were going to tell me to remove a certain food from their diet, and at that time—this was over 20 years ago—I just couldn’t handle that step. So, I delayed it for about a year and a half. When I was finally ready to go back and address it, it made all the difference in the world for everyone.

Yes, on the one hand, I should have done it when they were eight—should, in quotes. But on the other hand, I wasn’t ready. I needed to tackle it when I was prepared to do so. When I did, we saw amazing results, and we were able to stick with the changes. Had I forced myself to do it earlier, before I was ready, we wouldn’t have achieved the same outcomes, and we probably wouldn’t have followed through long-term.

It’s a reminder to take care of yourself in this process.

Melanie Sobocinski: Well, if I don’t take care of myself, I can’t do anything to influence the tone of the home. Instead of being part of the solution, I end up becoming part of the problem. And for that reason, I need a team of my own.

It’s easy as a parent to get completely fixated on the child—on what they need and what I need to do for them. But I’ve found it really helpful to have my own adult team and my own parallel process. That means being coached on my business and personal goals, getting my own therapy, working with my own doctors, and consulting with diagnostic specialists as needed.

By doing that, I make sure I’m cared for at the depth I need to sustain myself. That care allows me to continue providing for my kids, even in very challenging situations with very challenging children.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah.

Diane Dempster: I think we’ve talked about what makes it hard as a parent. What are the things that sustain you through this spiral?

Melanie Sobocinski: Well, curiosity, for one thing. There’s always something new to learn, always something just around the corner. Getting a diagnosis, especially when you’re met with doubt or skepticism—when people question whether a particular diagnosis is valid, real, or even exists—can be really challenging. Finding a professional who sees things from the same perspective as you, who says, “Yes, I see what you see. This is real,” can be such a relief.

It’s like reaching a landmark viewpoint—you’ve climbed up to this big-picture vantage point, and you rest there for a while before continuing to climb because there’s always another view around the next hill.

Then there are those moments when your child reaches a hard-won developmental milestone. Suddenly, they grasp something new, or their brain starts working in a way it hadn’t before. You witness these developmental cascades, where progress builds on itself, and it’s so exciting to see their growth, independence, and newfound abilities that were previously out of reach.

It’s all about starting with where the kids are now. What can I do to help them get to the next stage? Watching that unfold is incredible. At the same time, I have to ask myself, “What do I need to do as a parent to level up so I’m ready to meet them where they are now?”

This has been true since my kids were babies. You figure out how to handle the stage they’re in, and then they grow, and you have to level up. It’s like a video game—you master one level, and then everything changes, and you’re onto the next challenge.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Every level in life as a parent changes, right?

Melanie Sobocinski: I don’t say that something is the same in adulthood either, right?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: No.

Diane Dempster: Well, I love that video game analogy. It’s like I believe the universe doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle, and that’s why we don’t give birth to 17-year-olds, right?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Fair enough. I want to take a quick break, and then I’d like to come back and take us in a slightly different direction. Is that okay with everyone?

Melanie Sobocinski: Absolutely.

[After Break]

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Okay, we’re back. What I want us to talk about now is this: you came into our community and the coach approach. As a coach, there was something about it that resonated with you in a way that was different. It resonated so much, in fact, that you pursued certification in it. And even though you're no longer working directly with parents as a coach, but rather in a professional capacity, there was something about this neurodiversity-informed coaching approach that we teach at Impact Parents that truly spoke to you. So, can you talk a little about what specifically caught your attention to the point that you wanted to continue your training in this area?

Melanie Sobocinski: So, I’ll start by admitting that I’m a "straight-to-solution," fix-it type. That’s been my orientation for most of my life, and it’s actually one of the reasons I’ve been able to achieve success, despite the neurodivergence in my family tree and my own personal experiences. My mindset is always, “Problem? How do I fix this?”

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Part of what we love about her, y’all?

Melanie Sobocinski: I get very creative and a little nerdy; I enjoy diving into things. But there’s also a lot of value in getting curious, slowing down, observing, and taking the time. That’s something I needed support with—both as a parent, as a coach, and as a professional. Your program really helped me slow down and focus on that aspect. Another thing I found really valuable was the shift in expectations—learning how to adjust expectations to match the child you actually have, rather than the child you think you're supposed to have.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Right.

Melanie Sobocinski: Well, I could keep going because there are so many aspects that resonated with me, but one of the key things was taking aim and focusing on one thing at a time. And really asking yourself, "Are you sure you're down to just one thing? Are you focusing on what you're curious about, or are you aiming for a solution?" For me, that was a real area of growth and learning. Secondly, it was about finding my people. The congruence of it all just felt like the right fit for me—it felt like home.

Diane Dempster: Well, let's talk a little bit about that. You've been connected to this for a long time. When you think about your own practice as a coach, are there components or things you’ve been using and incorporating into your work on a regular basis?

Melanie Sobocinski: Absolutely. There are some go-to coaching questions that I’ve really internalized from you guys, like, "What are we taking aim at today?" or "How does that resonate with you?" A lot of it is also about the presence you bring to your coaching, whether it’s individual sessions or group coaching. I like to find solid models and spend time with them. Did I answer your question?

Diane Dempster: Yeah, I think you did. I guess what I’m curious about is for other professionals out there who are considering our training program and becoming a Sanity School certified trainer—are there any words of wisdom you’d offer about the value you've gained from going through the training as a professional?

Melanie Sobocinski: That’s on a couple of different levels. Ultimately, I did it because, as a parent, this stuff was too good not to share. As both a parent and a professional, it was too valuable not to explore further. And as someone with ADHD, I know myself well enough to recognize that I could spend a long time trying to reinvent the wheel, or I could just connect with you guys and use your proven framework—with permission, training, supervision—and get a lot further than if I were still sitting in my office trying to figure out how to put it all together myself. So it’s really about knowing myself and designing for what I need. But ultimately, it's because the work you two do is too important not to push forward, not to make more visible.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Thank you for that. I really appreciate it. As much as I hate to wrap up the conversation, I think this is a great segue. Let’s tell people—where are you now? What are you doing? And how can people find out about you? Because it’s really interesting that, in some way, you’re where you are now because you went through this journey with us.

Melanie Sobocinski: Yeah, well, where I am now is partly where I was before the journey.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Right.

Melanie Sobocinski: Before I even connected with you, I was doing ADHD coaching for professors and academics—people who work in universities—and I’ve continued to do that the entire time I’ve been engaged with you. You also connected me with Casey Dixon, who runs Dixon Life Coaching, and I’m just so happy to be on her team. I now run group coaching for professors with Casey, and she’s amazing. Her coaching model aligns so well with the Impact Parents model. While we focus on different things—since it’s different coaching an adult working on themselves versus a parent working with a whole family—there are so many synergies between our models.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah.

Melanie Sobocinski: I really love supporting adults. I’ve worked with parents, and I’m competent there, but it’s not where I truly shine. Where I really shine is working with academics—getting nerdy with the nerds on the very technical aspects of ADHD. Sometimes parenting comes into that, and if it does, it’s so important for people to take care of themselves first. Putting on your own oxygen mask so that you’re feeling professionally successful, feeling in control of your own ADHD, so that you can then go on and help manage your kids' ADHD and other challenges. Even more than that, it’s something you guys often say, which is, "You have to show them by modeling." You have to ask for help first. And I think that makes all the difference. My kids see me working on myself, working with my clients—and during the pandemic, it was hard for them not to see me working with my clients, even if it was just hearing my side of the conversations. But what a great way to let my kids know all their options for taking care of themselves—by overhearing me talk about it with other adults who are looking for that kind of help.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah, that’s beautiful. We’ll put a link to Melanie and Dixon Life Coaching in the show notes. After we laugh, I was talking to Casey the other day, and we were joking that you’re on the podcast before she is! We had that conversation, so stay tuned—Casey will be joining us on the podcast. Thank you for creating the leverage, Melanie. So, she kind of had to say yes this time.

Melanie Sobocinski: You all are awesome. What can I say? I’m so lucky to have such great colleagues and to have so many excuses to hang out with them so often.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: It’s a great feeling, isn’t it?

Diane Dempster: Yeah. So, Melanie, how do we wrap this up? Is there anything we haven’t covered that you want to make sure we mention, or is there something you’d like to go back and reiterate from this conversation?

Melanie Sobocinski: I promised my kids, when I got their permission to talk about them on this podcast, that I would tell the world how much we love our awesome dogs. So, now I’ve done that.

Diane Dempster: You mentioned that earlier. I thought you were going to talk about your dog’s neurodiversity or something. I wasn’t sure what.

Melanie Sobocinski: I’m sure my dog is also neurodiverse.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Both of my dogs are diverse.

Melanie Sobocinski: There’s definitely a strong overlap—like a Venn diagram—between the identity of my child and my dog. It’s just a joy to have them all in the house.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I love that. Well, when we first started talking, before we got on the show, Melanie had checked in with her kids to make sure they were okay with her talking about their family dynamic, and they gave her resounding approval. And what we said was, that’s the demonstration of what it’s all about—that you have the kind of relationship with your kids where they’re like, "Yeah, mom, go ahead." Because you’ve done all this work to cultivate that relationship. So, they’re supporting you in bringing this out to the world, and that’s a testament to you and the work you’ve done.

Melanie Sobocinski: Absolutely. They’ll say, "Thanks, mom. We totally dodged a bullet." They’ll talk about issues that their classmates are having with their parents and then say, "I’m so glad I live in this house." And that just feels really good every single time they say it.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I can’t wait for them to say that to you at 15, when they’re like, "I still feel good living in this house."

Melanie Sobocinski: I have teenagers, and yes, that’s exactly what I’m getting from my teenagers.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: They’re still resentfully grateful to be in the house.

Melanie Sobocinski: I always take the long view. I’m always pushing them to be that one step more independent, to be the "I know you can do this, even though you're not sure yet." But I’m sure that whatever it is, we’ll be able to handle it.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah.

Melanie Sobocinski: Whether or not it’s okay.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah, exactly. I love that. And we’ve been together long enough now that your kids are teenagers, and that’s just...

Diane Dempster: I forget about that.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: And level up a little bit, too.

Diane Dempster: Ours are in their 20s. So, Melanie, last little bit—do you have a favorite quote or motto you’d like to share with our audience?

Melanie Sobocinski: I have too many. But what’s coming to mind right now is, "Everything in moderation, including moderation."

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: One of my favorites.

Diane Dempster: Love that one.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: One of my favorites too. "Everything in moderation, including moderation." That’s a great line I use with my teenagers a lot.

Melanie Sobocinski: Indeed.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Beautiful. So, my friend, thank you.

Melanie Sobocinski: Thank you.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Thank you for your journey, for trusting us as part of your journey, and for being what we haven’t said today. I really want to say before we wrap up, is that I know we’ve been a resource for you, but you’ve been an amazing resource for us. Like, Melanie is our go-to when we need to understand something, or we need a deeper dive into research, or we need to...

Melanie Sobocinski: Melanie, go read this.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: There’s got to be research on something. I have an entire panel on my Trello board labeled "Research from Melanie." She’s part of what keeps us informed because she’s out there doing that research in a way that neither of us do as intently. So, thank you.

Melanie Sobocinski: I’ll be specific because research is kind of... I think you guys are doing research too, in that you're building this "what works" database from your work with clients. I do reading, but I read what other people have published. Yes, I’m deep in the peer-reviewed research journals, the ones that involve statistics, study designs, and all the very academic, nerdy stuff that requires university library access to access.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Sometimes we need nerdy stuff. And when we need nerdy stuff, nobody is better than Melanie.

Diane Dempster: I can never decide whether I need your password to the university library website or if I should just say, "Melanie, please do this for me."

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Right. Help me find it.

Melanie Sobocinski: Find it. IOL—that’s what we do. There we go. In the academic community.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Right? Exactly. That’s what it is. All right, everybody. Melanie, thank you again. We loved this conversation.

Melanie Sobocinski: Thank you.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: We love having you in our world. To those of you listening, take a moment—tune in with yourself. Check in. What are the insights you’re taking away from this conversation?

Take a deep breath, and as you’re watching Melanie take a breath and let it out, what are you noticing about what’s coming to you from this conversation? What are you aware of? What insights are you taking? And maybe, what do you want to do with that information moving forward in the coming week? How do you want to apply this insight to your life this week?

And, as always, thanks for what you’re doing for yourself and for your kids. You make a huge difference in your life, in their lives, and in the tone of your home. Have a great week, everyone.