Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Welcome back, everybody! We’re excited to have a conversation today with a friend and colleague, a trainee, and a member of our community. Like Kelly, we've known you for a long time now, haven’t we?

Kelly Biltz: I know! I think it’s been five or six years. It feels like just yesterday.

Diane Dempster: It does, it really does. Like yesterday.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah! So, welcome Kelly Biltz for a fabulous conversation about procrastination.

Kelly Biltz: Hello, and thank you for having me. I’m so excited to be here.

Diane Dempster: This is such an important topic. I mean, parents are always asking, “My kid is always procrastinating!” I’m sure you hear this too. So, where do we even start?

Kelly Biltz: I think the reality is that, due to the brain and its wiring, there’s always going to be some procrastination. We just don’t want it to be the default. We don’t want to end up in a situation where every single subject, every single assignment, is turned in late because of procrastination. As we all know, not much is retained when we work that way, but sometimes the brain actually works well under pressure, so there is an element of playing to that strength.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah, I just want to set the context here. For many of us listening, we’re in summer right now, so it’s not necessarily about assignments or learning—it’s more about getting things done in life. This applies to everything, not just school.

Kelly Biltz: Absolutely. One of the biggest obstacles I see in my private coaching work is not understanding how long a task, chore, assignment, or project actually takes—whether it’s cleaning out a room, organizing a pantry, or tackling a garage. There’s a challenging relationship with time there. And in addition to that, sometimes people don’t really plan things out. You need a plan when you’re ready to work on a project—whether it’s organizing or making sure you have the tools. Breaking the task down into smaller steps is key. So, if you don’t have those skills or preparations in place, it can really lead to procrastination.

Diane Dempster: And what you're describing are executive function skills, right? It's that a lot of times kids don’t yet have those skills. A lot of times, planning is a dirty word for some people who are feisty, right?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: It’s like planning is a four-letter word! I know.

Diane Dempster: And half the audience probably just shut down when you said, “You have to have a plan.” So, I mean, how do we make this easier to implement?

Kelly Biltz: I understand. Go ahead, Elaine.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I was just going to say—let’s break it down a little. What’s really happening when someone is procrastinating?

Kelly Biltz: It’s about not wanting to do it and not having an interest in it. Maybe I shouldn’t say that, because if you really want to clean out the garage, for example, you may want to do it, but it just feels overwhelming. So, breaking it down and starting with a realistic goal is key. Maybe you don’t have to clean the entire garage in one week—just focus on a part of it. In my world of coaching, many of my teenagers procrastinate when they’re not interested in the class or project at hand. It’s also often because they lack the skills to organize and plan effectively.

Diane Dempster: Right? So when something feels really hard, when it’s boring or overwhelming, maybe that’s when procrastination hits. And I think this is true not just for neurodivergent people, but for everyone. I know for myself, if something is really overwhelming, I have a hard time even getting started because it just feels like too much. But I think the key is identifying what’s actually going on. Is it overwhelm? Is it boredom? Or is it a lack of awareness of time? Like, “I’ve got plenty of time—it’s summer,” or “I’ve got all the time I need.” And once you identify what’s causing the procrastination, you can approach it differently. Does that sound fair?

Kelly Biltz: Yeah, I think the biggest skill in these situations is learning how to break things down. It sounds simple, but it’s one of the skills I emphasize all the time in my practice. If you can break it down, you can get started. Breaking it into smaller tasks—like, “I’m just going to do this one small thing”—creates movement. And once you get started, it builds motivation. So, I feel like if we can learn how to do that, it helps us procrastinate less because we’re using the language that motivates us to take action.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I’m hearing you, and I’m thinking about my kid, who’s in their mid-20s, in graduate school. I hear them say all the time, “Mom, I’m having a hard time getting activated.” Of course, they’ve grown up in this world, so they have that language, right?

Kelly Biltz: Sure.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: But it's not that they don't know what to do, and it's not even that it hasn't been broken down. They do want to do it, but it’s hard to get started. It's hard to get that momentum going. There's the activation piece.

Kelly Biltz: Yeah, and so you have to prepare your brain first. It’s not going to happen overnight, right? I always share with my groups and my teenagers that the brain is not a light switch. You can’t just say, “Hey, I’m going to turn it on and go do X, Y, and Z.” It needs time. It needs time to breathe and prepare. That might take a week, a couple of days, or even a month. In my world, with my husband, nothing gets done quickly unless there’s a fire at home, right? So it’s about processing, preparing, and visualizing. My husband has to visualize and go through all the steps, and I’m like, "Okay," but it's true—that’s how we get things done. And there’s also a realistic expectation around it. I know we have a big project coming up, and I’ll set us up so we can get it done—so we don’t start in the middle, or start and stop. We’ll have a nice system so that when he’s ready, he can do one thing at a time. But it may take a lot of time because the brain, especially for a harder task, whether it’s physical, emotional, or meaningful, needs to really ruminate. My husband has to ruminate on it. And I think that’s really important for us too.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Exactly. It’s about allowing something the time it needs. Just because we might be able to do it super efficiently doesn’t mean our kids or partners will do it that way.

Kelly Biltz: Right. And I think that can be really frustrating for neurotypicals as well because, I mean, I’m used to it. I live in a household with neurodiversity, so I know that I’ve already told my husband, three months ago, that after the US Open, we’re rocking and rolling in the garage. So he’s had two or three months to start getting his head around it, and I’m planting seeds along the way. I just said to him, “Remember, in two weeks—two weeks.”

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: We call this “breadcrumbing.” We call it breadcrumb conversations.

Kelly Biltz: Like planting seeds.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Breadcrumbs. Plant seeds, right?

Kelly Biltz: Yeah, planting seeds. I’m like, here we go. And I’m like, it’s happening whether you’re doing it with me or not. But if you do it with me, you’ll be a lot happier than if I just call 1-800-GOT-JUNK and have them take it away. So it’s happening, whether you like it or not, because ample time has been given. And I also think that's a big misunderstanding in families—when parents sometimes want things done quickly and don’t fully understand the need for a lot of time to process and prepare. I think we tend to jump the gun and say, “We’ll just do it for you. Why can’t you just do it?” And that’s just a recipe for disaster because we’re not honoring how the brain is wired.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Well, and we’ve been thinking about it for a while. We’ve been processing it, planning it, and all that. Then we come in and expect them to be right on board with us, but it might be the first time they’ve really thought about it.

Kelly Biltz: Yeah.

Diane Dempster: Well, part of what you're speaking to is the fact that everyone is different, right? For example, your husband needs three weeks' notice. I can tell you that there are people in my world who don’t need three weeks’ notice. If it’s not happening now, they’re not even thinking about it. So, in those cases, I don’t bother with the breadcrumbs. What we’re really trying to do is help our kids or neurodiverse partners understand what it takes to help their brain be effective in doing the things they want to do, rather than imposing a structure that may or may not work for them.

Kelly Biltz: Exactly. It’s a win-win, because everyone feels validated and honored. Even though it may require us to have more patience—because parenting a neurodiverse loved one often means having patience and grace that we might not be used to—over time, we learn to do it. Otherwise, we’re just going to end up frustrated, and no one wants that.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I’m thinking about my favorite procrastination example of all time. It’s a true story. We built a house and moved in decades ago, and we’d been living there for 10 years—10 years! We kept saying, “We really need to do something about the basement. We really need to get into this one section of the basement.” We had moved in, dumped everything in, and left it for 10 years. We kept putting it off. Much like what you were saying, I had kind of planned it and set expectations, waiting for the kids to go off to camp, all of that. When we finally tackled it, I’m not exaggerating when I say, Kelly, that it took us just one hour—one hour—to get it done. It was the collaboration. Both of us had been overwhelmed by it, and once we got in there, it wasn’t that bad. But we had blown it up into this huge concept.

Kelly Biltz: That’s very similar. I’m glad you and your husband had a better read. Tim and I had a few massive blow-ups over a three-year-long task that ended up taking 15 minutes. It was about making a call to someone so we could sign some papers.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Right.

Kelly Biltz: The issue became such a bone of contention. I eventually said, “Just give me his number, and I’ll call and handle it.” But Tim’s schedule was crazy, and it wasn’t important to him until we were up against a deadline. It caused so much tension and conflict over three years, and it took us 15 minutes, literally. I think that happens with so many tasks.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Procrastination isn’t about the inability to do it, right?

Kelly Biltz: No, it’s not about that at all.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Exactly. And what you and Diane were talking about earlier—maybe they don’t want to do it, or they’re not interested. Sometimes the expectations aren’t realistic. Sometimes they’re uncertain about what needs to be done or feel overwhelmed.

Kelly Biltz: Right.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: They haven’t broken it down enough.

Diane Dempster: Maybe it’s boring.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Or maybe it feels boring.

Diane Dempster: Yeah.

Kelly Biltz: And maybe, at the time—here’s a kicker—they might be leading up to it and planning for it, but maybe the energy isn’t there. It’s just the timing. Sometimes, at any given time, we might feel really energized or really off, and we need to honor that. So when it comes to big tasks, a lot of these factors really need to align.

Diane Dempster: Well, that reminds me of a parent I work with. She has a child, and the only time she can get his attention is at one in the morning. She’s not staying up until one in the morning, but that is the ideal time for him, from an energy perspective.

It’s one of those challenges where you’re a daytime person, and they’re a night owl. Sometimes, it's just about managing that difference. There’s also the logistical side of it.

Kelly Biltz: Right, exactly. And maybe it’s about not having the right tools or resources. It could even be a financial issue that you have to work towards, like paying to get something done or dealing with your pantry, for example. There are so many different factors that could become obstacles, whether we end up completing the task or not.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I love the term you used — that the brain is not a light switch.

Kelly Biltz: I say that all the time.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I love it. It’s not a light switch; it’s more like a dimmer switch, right? We have to adjust it gradually.

Kelly Biltz: I’m definitely using the dimmer switch analogy now. I love it.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: It’s the same idea as with gender. Our generation sees it as a light switch—on or off. But the younger generation sees it as a dimmer switch, with more variations. If our brains are like dimmer switches, we have to gradually get them up to full speed or figure out how to get things moving. We need to get some buy-in.

We haven’t used the term “buy-in,” but we’ve been talking about getting someone's engagement and involvement to get things done. So, I think what we’ve covered in the first part of this conversation are some of the obstacles behind procrastination. Diane and I like to talk about the "problem and the problem under the problem." The issue of procrastination isn’t necessarily procrastination itself—it's often just a symptom of a deeper problem.

Diane Dempster: Exactly. And what I want to add is that a lot of times, we don’t know for sure what’s going on beneath the surface. Often, what we observe is our kids having trouble getting started, but we might not know what’s happening in their heads.

Sometimes, our kids will say things like, "I’m just lazy," or "I don’t care." And we might think, "My kid doesn’t care about school," but that’s not always the case. Maybe they do care, but they don’t know how to express it.

Kelly Biltz: Yeah, I don’t believe that. When I hear “I don’t care,” I think it’s a lagging skill we need to address. Every kid cares; they’re well aware when things aren’t where they want them to be. So when they say they don’t care, I think it’s a mask for something deeper.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah, it’s an indication of something else. Sometimes, they give up on themselves, but that’s part of the story too.

Kelly Biltz: Sure.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: There’s a lot of surrendering happening, right?

Kelly Biltz: Well, unfortunately, there’s a lot of self-sabotage as well. It’s a mindset thing. It’s like the black-and-white thinking: “I’ve never been able to complete a project on time, so I’m never going to be able to.” It’s about breaking those mindset cycles, which isn’t an easy fix. They might also lack positive experiences with what they’re trying to do.

That’s the story they’re telling themselves. And it’s the same with a lot of teenagers—and even adults—we overthink and get in our own way. We create barriers to our own success, based on what we’re telling ourselves. So the question becomes: What meaning are we attaching to it? Why do we want to do this? What’s important to us? What’s our “why”?

For example, why do I want to turn this in on time? Well, if I turn it in on time, my grade will improve, and I’ll have one less thing to worry about. Or, why do I want to organize that part of my life?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Let’s talk about an example of cleaning the room. This is something we hear from parents all the time—besides, "My kid won’t brush their teeth," we often hear, "I’m trying to get my kid to clean their room." So, how would you approach that as a framework for dealing with procrastination?

Kelly Biltz: I hear this all the time because it’s such a common frustration for parents. I’d say a couple of things that might not be as popular. As parents, we want our kids’ rooms to look pretty decent, but it might not be a value for them. They might not care if their towels are on the floor or if their clothes aren’t hung up in the way we’d prefer.

So, part of it is about reestablishing expectations, which can be uncomfortable for parents. You might want your kid to care about their room, but the teenager might not share that same belief. That’s one issue.

The other thing I’d suggest is setting realistic expectations. Most of the time, it’s about taking just three or four minutes to maintain the room—throwing out trash, hanging up towels, putting away clothes. At least in my experience, it only takes a minute. I’ll send a quick text like, "Remember your towels today, honey," or "Put your clothes away," or "Bring down the laundry." It doesn’t have to be five things every day or every week. It’s about making it easy to maintain.

The realistic expectation is that the room might not always be picked up the way we as parents would like it.

Diane Dempster: What you just described is breaking it down into smaller tasks, because when you tell someone to “clean your room,” it feels like an enormous, overwhelming task.

Kelly Biltz: Right, it's too broad.

Diane Dempster: Exactly. It’s like, "Whoa, where do I even start?" And then there’s the thing you haven’t seen in months that suddenly grabs your attention. So instead, you could just focus on something small, like the towels.

This is where your kid might need you to help them break it down into smaller tasks. Or, the way I put it, scaffolding. It may not be realistic to expect them to do it all on their own, but you might do it with them or give them a smaller task. You’re adjusting the expectations and the work to something that feels more manageable for them.

Kelly Biltz: Exactly. And you have to be specific and detailed. It’s like telling your kid to “study.” What does that mean? They might not have been taught how to study effectively. When I tell parents, you need to say something like, “Pick up your clothes from the floor and put them in the bin today,” or “Pick up your towels and hang them up,” or “Bring your laundry down,” or “Make your bed.” We have to be specific.

If you just say, “Clean your room,” nothing’s going to happen. They might pick up one thing and think it’s done. That’s how my son is—he’ll say, "I put my water bottle in the trash can." I’ll be like, "Okay, let’s take a look at all the other water bottles lying around."

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: As I hear you say that, I notice two things. First, there’s reestablishing expectations—modifying our own expectations as parents—and second, setting realistic expectations. This is where we move from being the director to collaborating with them, right? It’s about helping them. You direct them to lift the towel, bring the clothes and the bowls, and then, the next step is about enrolling them in the process.

So, talk a little about how parents can shift from being in director mode to a more collaborative role, where their kids aren’t just doing the job, but they’re actually learning to do it themselves.

Kelly Biltz: Yes, exactly. It’s about collaboration, and teenagers really want control. They want freedom, they want autonomy. So a good question to ask is, “What do you have the capacity for today when it comes to your room?” You can say, “Let’s focus on one thing today—just one thing for a couple of minutes. What would that be for you?”

And this process takes time. We know it takes a while to build habits. It’s not going to happen overnight. The brain isn’t trained to do these things automatically. Just because they picked it up two days this week doesn’t mean it’ll happen next week.

So, the idea is to set small, realistic goals: “What’s your one-minute or two-minute task for your room today?” They might say, "I’m just going to put the trash from my desk in the trash can," or "I’ll bring my trash downstairs." And that’s great! It’s a simple win. You can text them a quick message, "Great job, love you," and that’s it.

By the way, sometimes we talk more than we need to. I’ve found that texting really works because it’s clear, they can see it, and they can’t say, “You didn’t tell me that.” It’s about establishing one simple, easy-to-maintain task each day or a few times a week.

Diane Dempster: Well, you brought up a point here, Kelly, that I hadn’t really thought about explicitly, but it’s important: as parents, we’re really trying to help kids develop good habits. It takes about 20-30 days to form a habit, according to research, and the key is focusing on micro habits, not macro ones.

If we look at the situation we started with—dealing with procrastination—we’re now talking about how to help kids develop habits, and it’s really about taking baby steps. That’s the part that really stands out to me.

Kelly Biltz: Right. And all those small things add up to the big things. You have to start small to build up to the bigger habits, right? The ones that become second nature, like brushing your teeth every day, hopefully.

We’re working on that with our teenagers too. But it takes time. When I’m working with my teens, I celebrate if they do something twice in a week that they didn’t do the week before—that’s a win! We’re slowly building confidence. When they realize it doesn’t take as long as they thought, and they see the results—like a clean floor or picked-up towels—they feel good. These are small wins for them.

In my approach, it’s all about the little steps, the baby steps—one thing at a time. Over time, those small steps will lead to a big win, and eventually, those habits will become second nature.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah, so many things are coming to mind as I listen to you. We started talking about getting started, but now we’re also talking about getting finished, right? How do we cross the finish line? You’re touching on appealing to what's in it for them—what’s the benefit to them?

Kelly Biltz: Yes.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: The win for them, their strength, their success—whatever you want to call it. So, can we shift the conversation to completion and how to get kids fully bought into it?

Kelly Biltz: Right. How do we hold them accountable? What do they need? And that’s where collaboration comes in. I know this might be hard for you and maybe it’s not important to you, but what kind of support do you need?

I think we, as parents, sometimes miss the mark by saying, “You need to do this” or “You need to do that,” instead of asking, “How can I support you in this?”

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Exactly.

Kelly Biltz: They might say, “Send me a quick text at 3:15 to remind me.” That’s great parenting, because they’ve taken ownership and told you what they need. It’s not easy for teens to admit they need help, so when they do, that’s a win. They want to hold themselves accountable, and remember, our teens don’t wake up excited about forgetting something or being behind. They’re very aware of it—they’re not doing it on purpose. They need a lot of support, structure, and reminders.

Sometimes, that’s not popular, because parents often feel tired of reminding their teens. But it’s our reality. I don’t think there’s a time when you won’t need to remind them, though you might remind them less over time. One or two reminders is a big win, compared to five or six.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Exactly. And then, as a parent, you can step into the question of, “How do you want to set yourself up for success? What do you need to make that happen?”

Kelly Biltz: Absolutely.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: And that’s assuming they’re already bought into it, which is what I hear you saying.

Kelly Biltz: Yes. And I think, in the end, one of two things will happen: they’ll either say, “I’ve got it, I’ll set a reminder,” or, “I probably need a reminder.”

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Right. Well, we need to start wrapping up this conversation, though it’s hard to believe because it always goes so fast. Kelly, can you tell people how they can find out more about you?

Kelly Biltz: You can find me on my website at teenswithadhd.com. It's very straightforward and authentic. I'm also on Instagram handlesteenswithadhd.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Awesome. And you have a gift for parents—a free download, right?

Kelly Biltz: Yes, it's an eBook on the five essential skills to support your ADHD teenager.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Awesome!

Diane Dempster: Awesome. Thank you very much.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Beautiful.

Diane Dempster: I really appreciate that.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Beautiful.

Diane Dempster: So Kelly, as we get ready to close, what haven't we talked about yet that you'd like to make sure we cover? Or is there something from earlier that you'd like to reiterate? How do we wrap this up?

Kelly Biltz: I think there's always a lot to say, and that's a tough question because we could talk about this forever! But I think it’s important to remember that your teenager doesn’t wake up happy about forgetting things or being off-task, even if it doesn’t seem that way. They're probably beating themselves up more than we realize.

So, just keep in mind that they are working—though it may not always appear that way. Meeting them where they are and parenting with compassion is key. I know it’s hard for you. I know you have a lot going on today. I know this isn’t something you want to do, but showing empathy and offering validation really helps bridge that connection and creates a safer space for them. When they know their parents understand and aren’t judging them, it makes a big difference.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yes. I heard so many key points in what you just said—non-judgment, focusing on connection, coming from a place of compassion, meeting them where they are, and truly understanding that it’s not that they don’t want to do something—it’s that they’re struggling with it. If we can recognize that and support them through it, that’s huge. For us as parents, we need to accept that they’re not doing this on purpose.

Kelly Biltz: Exactly. They're not. And I know it’s frustrating. I know many parents feel exhausted, exasperated, and worried. I share those worries. As parents, whether our kids are neurotypical or neurodiverse, we always worry about them.

But we need to pour patience, grace, and love into them—even when it’s hard. That’s the best way to support them.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Love on them, even when it’s hard. Diane and I have been parenting young adults lately, and that theme really resonates with us.

Kelly Biltz: Right.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: It doesn’t always get easier.

Kelly Biltz: And that’s okay! It’s normal to not always like your teenager at certain times. We all know that! We always love them, but sometimes we don’t like their behavior or what’s happening in the moment. That’s perfectly normal. I have no problem admitting there are times when I don’t like my kid, but I know that it’s just a moment—and it’s not every day. They’re just having a tough day, and we all have those.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: We all have our moments.

Kelly Biltz: Exactly. And no matter where we are in the parenting journey—whether with young kids, teens, or even adult children—we're always learning. We never really take off our parenting hat. We’re still figuring out how to support our older kids, whether they’re living on their own or married. We’re still learning how to do it, and we don’t always get it right.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Exactly. So awesome.

Diane Dempster: Thank you, Kelly. It’s been great having you with us today. Your insights were fantastic.

Kelly Biltz: Thanks so much for having me. I really appreciate you both.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Always a pleasure. We love supporting you and what you're doing in the world, and we're so glad to have you in our circle.

Kelly Biltz: Thank you.

Diane Dempster: And for those of you listening, take a moment to reflect on our conversation with Kelly. What insight will you carry forward from today?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: What are you taking away that will make a difference in your life or in your approach to parenting? As always, thank you for everything you’re doing for yourselves and your kids. It truly makes a huge difference. Take care, everyone!