Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Robert, welcome back, everybody, to another conversation on the Parenting with Impact podcast. My guest today is a brain specialist, Dr. Robert Melillo. He has had a long, and I must say, storied and extraordinarily successful global career in bringing brain understanding, awareness, and treatment to people like us who need it.

So, Robert, thank you for being here. We agreed I’ll call you Robert, not Dr. Melillo, because at some point, my dyslexia will kick in.

Robert Melillo: It’s an “L” of a name, right?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yes, it certainly is! Welcome, and thank you for making the time to share your expertise with our community. Let’s start by letting you, as my coach would say, “speak yourself into the room.”

We know you’ve had a long career, so I don’t need you to go through your entire bio, but tell us how you came to be doing this work with families or people we might call “complex human beings.”

Robert Melillo: Yeah, I’ve been a clinician for the better part of 35 years, and from the very beginning, I was very interested in healthcare. I got into it as an athlete, hoping to go into sports medicine and rehabilitation. But when I was in graduate school, I fell in love with neurology and the brain. I’ve always been interested in things like diet, nutrition, and exercise as well.

I wanted to find a way to combine those interests. Early on, I became a diplomate in neurology subspecialties, then rehabilitation. Later, I earned another degree in clinical rehabilitation neuropsychology, and I also have a Ph.D. in cognitive neuroscience. Throughout my career, I’ve focused on continuous education and academic work, while maintaining a very active practice, mostly with adults, and some adolescents.

But then my own son was diagnosed with ADHD, and other families around me began asking about their own children. This was in the early 90s, and I was really starting to dive deep into brain research. I was already teaching clinical neurology and rehabilitation at the graduate and postgraduate levels at that point, so I wanted to understand what was happening in my child's brain.

Someone gave me the label of ADHD, and I wanted to know more. I knew a lot about the brain, but I didn’t know much about ADHD. So, I went to professionals—pediatricians, pediatric neurologists, neuropsychologists, psychiatrists, people I knew personally—and asked them, “What’s happening in the brain with ADHD?” They all looked at me like they didn’t really know, maybe something with dopamine and the frontal lobe, but they weren’t sure. And then they told me there’s really nothing that can be done about it anyway.

I said, “Okay, so you don’t know what it is, but you’re absolutely sure there’s nothing you can do about it?”

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Right, nothing to be done about it.

Robert Melillo: Exactly. So, at that point, I dove into the research with a father’s passion and my professional curiosity. It became an obsession to answer this question. As I did more research, it led me to explore other neurobehavioral issues like autism, dyslexia, learning disabilities, OCD, tics, and Tourette’s. This research eventually became my first textbook, Neurobehavioral Disorders of Childhood: An Evolutionary Perspective.

Because I was also a clinician and wanted to help my son, as well as other kids, I started working directly with families and experimenting with different approaches. Over time, I started to gain a clearer understanding of what the problem was, and I wanted to see what I could do about it. I began seeing great results early on, which fueled my passion.

It’s been 30-35 years of research, writing, academics, and working with many patients. I’ve written eight best-selling books, and I’m still working to perfect the approach.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Right, it’s an ongoing process. Maybe that’s your neuroplasticity at work.

Robert Melillo: Exactly. It’s part of my journey—learning to be a better person and to help parents, families, and others understand and raise awareness. Ultimately, I want to help people become the best version of themselves and their children.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I totally understand. There are so many directions we could go with this. I’m particularly fascinated by your background in exercise and sports. My daughter is currently in med school and is in her neurology track. She sent me a text just this morning saying her first big takeaway from a dementia-focused lecture was how important protecting the brain through exercise is.

Robert Melillo: Absolutely. In my book Neurobehavioral Disorders from an Evolutionary Perspective, I explored the origins of behavior. Where does behavior come from? What does it look like in the brain? What does thinking look like? And, more fundamentally, where do brains come from?

It turns out that the first living creatures to develop brains did so because they were the first to move. Movement created the need for brains. Living things that don’t move don’t have brains. Movement is what created brains from an evolutionary standpoint, and it’s also how our brains develop in childhood.

So, anything that deviates from normal movement can alter brain development and lead to developmental imbalances. These issues are compounded by genetic traits, and they form the basis for many neurobehavioral disorders and mental health issues in both children and adults.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Wow. And this is the first time in all the years I’ve been doing this that I’ve heard anyone equate the movement of childhood with the development of the brain.

Robert Melillo: Yeah, it’s huge. It’s really important in my work, especially regarding something I’m considered the world expert on, which is retained primitive reflexes. The idea is that, as parents, we were always taught to pay attention to developmental milestones, right? Like, when did they roll over, when did they crawl on their belly, did they crawl on all fours, when did they stand up, when did they walk, when did they speak, did they point, did they make eye contact?

All of those milestones are extremely important and critical to brain development. But we live in a world now, especially post-COVID, where we’re told those things aren’t important anymore. Parents are even told that crawling is no longer considered a milestone, which is crazy, but that’s the messaging many are getting now.

The idea of tracking milestones and understanding what they mean has a lot to do with certain reflexes we’re born with. These reflexes help babies move, engage, feed themselves, and do other essential things. Those steps are proven to be critical. And with many kids we work with, and adults who have neurobehavioral issues, those reflexes don’t disappear when they should, around the age of one. This can stunt brain development, cause imbalances, and accentuate strengths and weaknesses. That leads to symptoms affecting not just cognition and behavior, but also the balance of the autonomic and immune systems, among other things that are often seen in children with neurobehavioral issues.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Interesting. I’ve never really been shocked by anything you’ve said, but hearing you mention the shift in developmental milestones since COVID-19 is surprising. I vividly remember a physician once telling me that crawling was essential for developing neck muscles. Just that simple.

I don’t want to go too far down this rabbit hole, but could you explain a bit more about how developmental milestones have changed?

Robert Melillo: Sure. The CDC came out with updated developmental milestones towards the end of COVID, essentially extending everything. They even removed crawling as a milestone and said that speaking later, even at 30 months, was fine. Parents are now being told that it doesn’t matter if their child doesn’t crawl or if they crawl in an unusual way. This shift is largely because of the epidemic rise in neurobehavioral disorders among children over the past three decades.

But now, some even claim that 50% of children no longer crawl in a typical way.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: So, therefore, it’s normal?

Robert Melillo: Exactly. It’s the typical “left-brain” thinking that analyzes things in this way, but it makes no common sense. What we’re doing is normalizing pathology, which is where we are now.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: That’s really interesting. I get asked this question all the time, and I’m sure you do too, probably more than I do, about the rising awareness and diagnoses of autism, ADHD, anxiety, and similar issues. Is this a result of the world we live in? Is there more of it now, or are we just recognizing it more? What’s your take on this?

Robert Melillo: Great question. In my third book, I researched this in great detail and published the findings a few years ago on what’s driving these changes. It’s a combination of factors. There’s definitely greater awareness and better diagnoses, which account for some of the increase.

However, even some of the top experts in epidemiology say that raised awareness and better diagnoses only account for about 50% of the rise. The other 50%—at least—is unexplained, meaning there is an actual increase in these issues.

I’ve spoken to people on the ground, particularly in education. Anyone who has been in education for the last 30 years will tell you there’s a dramatic increase in the number of kids being diagnosed. The top epidemiologists believe that many of these issues are still underdiagnosed. Teachers often report being told not to diagnose or label a child, and parents may not want their kids to receive a label. Schools are overwhelmed by these challenges.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Well, I was going to say that schools have shifted the way they designate eligibility, so now they focus on evaluating eligibility for services rather than diagnosing the underlying issues. This shift occurred because schools were, and continue to be, inundated and overwhelmed.

When my kids were little—my eldest is now 30—we did a lot of work in the nutritional realm before I got into coaching. One of the things I learned, and I know this is anecdotal, is that when food dyes, additives, and flavors were added to our food supply, it happened before the FDA began testing such substances. So, a lot of the things in our food supply were never put through FDA processes.

Robert Melillo: Yeah, the vast majority of chemicals used in industry have never been studied. Many were grandfathered in after the FDA started examining them. So, most of them have never been tested, and that’s definitely an issue. This plays a role, obviously. Estrogen disruptors, hormone disruptors, plastic phthalates, organophosphates, and pesticides all have an impact—not just on mothers, but also on fathers. These factors contribute to epigenetic changes in gene expression. This doesn’t cause gene mutations; rather, it alters how genes are expressed.

In the vast majority of neurobehavioral or mental health issues, there are no gene mutations—no actual mutations of genes. There are no single mutations, but genes can be impacted in ways that prevent them from being expressed at the level they should be. These are environmental factors that affect gene expression. These factors combine before conception and during pregnancy, affecting both men and women. This contributes to an increase in these issues.

On top of this, society has shifted dramatically, with one of the biggest changes being that, as your daughter pointed out, we don’t protect the brain in the way we used to. We don’t move as much as previous generations did. We are now the most sedentary population in history, and it’s only getting worse. This affects children at younger ages, contributing to the rise in childhood obesity and diabetes. When I went to school, I was told that late-onset diabetes would never appear in anyone under 60, that it was a disease for older people. Now, we routinely see children under 10 with it. This is mainly driven by technology, lack of physical activity, and parents being afraid to let their children play outside.

More awareness of these issues also plays a role, but the driving factors are environmental and lifestyle-related.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: So, I hear that the lifestyle factors, like movement, are important, as well as the chemicals introduced into the food supply and the environment since, say, the 1950s—or some might argue, since the Industrial Revolution. Is there anything else you feel is contributing to these issues?

Robert Melillo: Yes, I think a lot of my work revolves around understanding the development of the right and left brain, and how they interact. Essentially, any neurobehavioral or mental health issue stems from disruptions in the normal connectivity between the two hemispheres of the brain, as well as developmental imbalances. When one side is overactive while the other side is underdeveloped, it’s a result of alterations in maturational development.

Our research shows that there’s no damage, no injury, no pathology, and no metabolic disease per se. There are chemicals and other factors that affect gene expression, but the majority of these factors influence how neural networks grow, develop, and communicate—what we call functional connectivity.

This is the central issue. Society is increasingly shifting towards left-brain dominance, while the right brain—responsible for regulating emotions, social development, emotional regulation, and our connection to our body—is being impacted more and more. As a result, the right brain is either not developing appropriately or is being overdeveloped. This imbalance is, I believe, where many of the symptoms we see can be explained.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: So, it sounds like you're describing a hampered maturation process. Is that what you're saying?

Robert Melillo: Could you repeat that? What kind of maturation process?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: A hampered maturation process.

Robert Melillo: That is exactly what's happening. There is a developmental delay and imbalance, where certain areas of the brain develop too early. With traditional ADHD, we see this, and in the autism spectrum, we see this as well. These traits are foundational.

Virtually every person on the autism spectrum I've worked with, who doesn't have what we call syndromic autism (which is different and typically involves a genetic mutation), is a genius in terms of their left brain. Their left brains are incredibly powerful. Most of my work is with non-speaking individuals with autism, so I focus on kids who are severely impaired in their ability to communicate.

But when we find ways for them to communicate, like using letter boards or similar tools, I've worked with an eight-year-old from New Zealand who had never spoken. When he began typing with assistance on his mother's phone, the first thing he wanted to talk about was quantum physics. He knew everything about quantum mechanics and was defining complex physics terms. It was amazing—his brilliance was evident. All of the language was there.

However, they are so disconnected from their bodies, from the feeling of their bodies, and from being able to control them. That’s what really impairs their ability to speak. They may also lack the drive for attachment or social interaction, which stems from this lack of developmental maturity. So, it’s this imbalance and immaturity in the brain that is at the root cause. We know that all mental health issues, for both children and adults, begin in childhood. The first six years are especially critical for the development of the right and left brain and how they connect.

If that connection is disrupted, it can affect people with strong natural strengths or weaknesses, which ultimately leads to these imbalances that we then label in various ways.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Okay, so based on your research and work, what do you think is most important for parents of what I call "complex kids" to understand? What should they know above all?

Robert Melillo: Above all, it's important for parents to understand this from a neurological perspective. When you look at the neuroanatomy of the brain, at how the brain literally grows and forms connections, you start to see it more clearly. Complex kids may have a variety of challenges. They might have emotional dysregulation or be highly emotionally reactive. They might struggle in school, be dyslexic, or have learning disabilities.

The key is recognizing the unevenness of their skills. That’s one of the first things I encountered in the early 90s. Research showed that anyone on the attentional or behavioral spectrum tends to experience delays in many areas. In fact, many of them are gifted.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Exactly.

Robert Melillo: Yes, these are often twice-exceptional kids. This reflects a developmental imbalance. The children who are most gifted are also more vulnerable to imbalances or deficits on the opposite side of the brain. These imbalances are the root cause of their challenges, but they can be changed.

So, it's crucial for parents to understand that there is a neurobiological reason behind these issues. And when parents ask me questions—many come from all over the world, having been to many doctors—the first thing I ask is, “Has anyone tried to explain what’s happening in your child's brain or in your brain?” And every single one of them says, "No."

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah, we encounter a similar situation.

Robert Melillo: Yes. For me, I try to define it, and I've actually written papers on this. I believe I understand the brain as well as anyone in the world from a functional perspective. For example, if someone exhibits OCD behaviors, obsessive thoughts typically stem from overactivity in the left dorsal lateral prefrontal cortex, often coupled with a deficit in the right. This area is also responsible for what we call reality testing. If there’s a deficit on the right, people may experience a disconnection from reality. Compulsive behaviors, on the other hand, come from overactivity in the orbital frontal cortex, particularly in Brodmann areas 11 and 12. So, there are specific areas of the brain that play a role. Stimming or tics, for instance, are linked to overactivity in the left Brodmann Area 6 due to underdevelopment on the right.

When we look at depression and anxiety, we see that the left hemisphere and the frontal lobe are responsible for generating joy, happiness, and anger, while the right hemisphere generates fear, sadness, guilt, shame, embarrassment, attachment, and empathy. So, if there's a decrease in joy and an increase in sadness, along with feelings of guilt and shame, that’s the definition of major depressive disorder.

There are neurological areas in the brain that explain everything, even the regulation of the immune and digestive systems. This is how I approach understanding it. We can stimulate certain areas, inhibit others, and try to create more balance in a measurable, objective way.

And that’s something we can do to help people optimize their behavior, become the best version of themselves, and reduce things like anxiety or depression, or help increase happiness, reduce anger, or improve attention—essentially, all of those things.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah. What strikes me as we start to wrap up is how important it is for us, and for those listening, to understand what’s underlying the behavior. You can look at it from the perspective of "it’s this part of the brain" or "that part of the brain," but I see it as it’s in the brain, and we need to understand the case and meet it where it is—rather than judging or making assumptions about the behavior. As you were speaking, I was thinking about my 27-year-old daughter, who last night was reading, for the first time, the psycho-educational evaluation done for her 20 years ago. It was fascinating to watch her process and go through it with the perspective of a physician-in-training, identifying where one area was off the charts while another was in the 16th percentile. "No wonder I was struggling, Mom," she said. That disparity was really helpful for her.

Robert Melillo: Right. So the question becomes, why was that there? It’s because she’s unusually gifted in that one area, but something may have altered the early development of the other side, or one side came online too early and interfered with the other. That gap, the imbalance, is the real issue. The more pronounced that gap, the more it affects things. And it’s not that anything is "wrong" with the brain—if anything, certain areas are too developed, while others may not have kept pace. But the most important thing is that you can change that gap. That actually can be done.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I also want to emphasize an important point for the parents listening: this isn’t about feeling guilt or regret for things you didn’t do when your child was two years old. That’s not the point here. I know many of us can get caught up in, "What did I do wrong?" But I’m hearing you say this isn’t about blaming anyone—it’s about understanding how the brain developed within the context of the world we're in.

Robert Melillo: Right.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: And we need to be aware of that context in what’s happening.

Robert Melillo: It’s definitely not about guilt, shame, or blame. It’s about understanding the brain of your child or yourself and figuring out what's really going on. And again, if your child has any kind of imbalance, it’s because they’re actually gifted in some areas. That’s something I’m sure of.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah.

Robert Melillo: So, it’s not about feeling bad. It’s about realizing that you’ve given them an incredible gift. But gifted individuals tend to have more vulnerabilities, and they’re more susceptible to developing imbalances. The good news is, this can be addressed at any age. So it’s not about looking back and wondering, "Did I miss something?" It’s about understanding it now and asking, "What can we do moving forward?" And that’s what my work is all about.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I love it. That’s a great segue. Why don’t you tell people how they can find out more about you?

Robert Melillo: My website is drrobertmelillo.com. There's a lot of information on there, including professional courses where I’ve trained physicians and therapists worldwide, and I continue to do so. We also offer an online fellowship course.

I have several best-selling books, including Disconnected Kids. The third edition was released just three weeks ago by Penguin. This book is one of the best-selling books in the world and has been translated into 18 languages. Clearly, it continues to be relevant, which is why we have the third edition. I’m also very active on Instagram and other social media.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I love that, and we’ll have all of that in the show notes. I’ll follow up and provide key links to the books so our audience can easily access them. Thank you for that.

Before we wrap up, is there anything we didn’t cover that you'd like to address, or is there something we discussed that you’d like to emphasize or highlight?

Robert Melillo: There’s so much, but the main idea is that the brain regulates everything. So when there are imbalances, they can lead to issues like food sensitivities, eczema, overactivity of the immune system, and gut dysregulation. Many biomedical problems are often said to start in the gut, but they actually start in the brain. However, the brain's dysfunction does impact the gut, and all of these issues are interrelated. It all comes down to brain development and function, which is the core of it.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Thank you. That’s a lot to absorb, but it’s an important conversation for all of us. In our world, we’re coaches who teach parents neurodiversity-informed coaching skills. The simplest thing we always reinforce that ties into what you’re saying is that it all starts in the brain.

Robert Melillo: Absolutely.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Exactly. Whatever behavior, challenge, or issue you're facing, the brain is at the core. The more we understand it, regulate it, manage it, and support it through nutrition, exercise, and sleep, the better things will be for both you and your children. Does that sound about right?

Robert Melillo: Yes, but I would take that one step further. It’s not just about doing those things in general. It’s about being intentional and directed in your actions. It’s not just that exercise, nutrition, and sleep are good for the brain — they are — but if you want to change the brain in a positive way, it’s important to approach it with a focused and informed understanding.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Beautiful. Awesome. Before we close, we like to ask for a fun fact: Do you have a favorite quote or motto you'd like to share with our community?

Robert Melillo: I do. I don’t know if I’ll remember the entire quote, but it’s by Theodore Roosevelt, and it goes something like this: "It’s not the critic who counts; it’s the person in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly."

That’s always been my approach: going out there, doing things, and realizing that if you try to do something significant, criticism is inevitable. You can’t listen to the critics; it’s about doing your best, and even if you fail, you fail while trying greatly. That’s my motto.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: In the coaching world, we call that "failing forward." I love the idea of failing while daring greatly.

Robert Melillo: Yeah.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Beautiful. Thank you so much for being here, for joining us, and for all that you're doing in the world. Everyone, my guest today has been Dr. Robert Melillo. His information is in the show notes, and I encourage you to check it out and learn more.

There’s nothing more powerful than gaining a better understanding of what’s happening in your brain—or in your child’s brain. So, for those of you listening, take a moment to reflect: What insight did you gain from this conversation? What are you taking away from it? And how do you want to apply it in your life in the coming week?

I know what we discussed, but what about you? What did you take from it, and how do you plan to use it? It’s that insight and application that really helps you take this information and make it actionable in your life.

So, what are you taking away, and how do you want to apply it? And as always, thank you for all that you’re doing for yourself and your kids. At the end of the day, you’re making an extraordinary difference. See you on the next one!