Emotions can run rampant in the ADHD household. Keeping cool can seem impossible. Tempers flare for no apparent reason, feelings are hurt, and the entire family dynamic can quickly end up in a hot mess. Add to this the natural tendency that most of us have to deflect responsibility, and everyone is getting blamed for everything that happens to everyone else. Next thing you know:
“It's your fault!”
I've personally been blamed for everything from my husband not paying his bills on time to causing the rain that ruined the toy that was left outside all night (which by the way was my fault too!).
When this happens, my tendency is either to fight back or analyze the situation to death (to figure out how, in some small way, I might have helped to create the situation).
Here's the tip: Keep cool and don't take it personally! Know that it is completely normal for people to resist taking responsibility when they realize that they screwed up! We all do it! In that moment when we feel panic, threatened, or overwhelmed by reality, it's really difficult to simultaneously “own” what's happening.
We might be able to take responsibility once we have calmed down (that's another blog).
Here's how this is a self-care tip. We can't stop people from losing their tempers. Getting into an argument with them about what “really” happened when they are completely fired up will likely have little success. Also, it stresses most of us out when we argue or fight back. None of us needs more stress!
So let your family (for now at least) vent and rant and point fingers. I'm not saying to encourage it, just stand in your truth calmly, and don't react. That way, when it's time to take responsibility and help them figure out what to do, you'll have a good mindset and the energy to help.