As parents, it’s normal to worry about our kids’ screen time. We take notice when they spend longer hours gaming, scrolling, or binge-watching videos. Or when they seem to be compulsively picking up their phone. Or when they start to sneak screen time, melt down about logging off, or even lie about how much time they’re spending online.

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These behaviors might even lead us to wonder, “Is my child addicted?”

Heavy technology usage in neurodiverse kids can certainly look like addiction, but it may not be that simple.

The problem with the traditional model of thinking about addiction is that it isn’t neuroinformed. It hinges on the idea that there’s a lack of control or willpower at play (similar to old ways of thinking about ADHD). But it doesn’t take into account very real neurological differences that cause challenges with executive functioning and drive a need for the brain to self-regulate.

When your kid seeks out technology, it may very well be that their brain is seeking a much-needed dose of ‘dopamine’ to calm their nervous system, boost their energy, or escape a stressful moment.

The behaviors of kids with ADHD or other ‘neurospicy’ traits are especially at risk of being misunderstood in this way because their brains simply work differently:

• They may crave more dopamine (the brain chemical that drives focus, motivation, and pleasure) to stay regulated and complete necessary functions.
• They often struggle with impulse control, transitions, and stopping an activity once they’re “in the zone.”
• They may need extra help shifting from one activity to another, especially shifting away from screens providing powerful stimulation.

The old way of thinking about ADHD was that kids were simply lacking willpower. Now we know: these behaviors are rooted in brain wiring, not bad choices. When neurodivergent kids reach for technology, their brain may be trying to meet an urgent need for chemical adjustment.

That’s why, when addressing these behaviors in our neurodiverse kids-or any that concern us- it can help to pause and ask: “Is this behavior naughty, or is it neurological?”

When we see it as “naughty,” we tend to react with punitive measures and control:

“That’s it – you need to stop. No more Xbox!”

But when we see it as neurological, we open the door to collaborative problem-solving:

“I know it’s hard to stop once you start playing. Let’s come up with a plan that lets you unwind with your game and still get your homework done.”

This shift – from punishment to problem-solving – can help reduce conflict. It can also build coping skills and strengthen our connection to our kids. They feel understood instead of shamed, and we get to support them in healthier, more sustainable ways.

So next time you feel worried about your child’s screen time, get curious about what’s going on for them. Assuming it’s an addiction can throw you into a space of fear, making it hard to look objectively. Considering that the neurospicy brain could be doing its best to meet real chemical needs can leave you open for connection and problem solving.

When our kids are trying to cope with difficult circumstances with a brain that is not yet wired to manage impulsivity, I want to remind you to think beyond seeing it as a lack of willpower. With compassion, understanding, and a little teamwork, you can help your kids find sustainable ways to regulate and thrive.

4 Practical Takeaways for Parents:

1. Name what’s happening. Say something like, “I can see it’s hard to stop when you’re in the middle of a game. That’s your brain’s hyperfocus at work.” This normalizes the struggle and shows your child you “get it.”
2. Plan transitions together. Instead of sudden screen shutoffs, set agreements with each other to use timers, countdowns, or a “last round” approach. Collaborative planning reduces battles and builds self-regulation skills.
3. Don’t make tech the bad-guy: Screens meet a real need – stimulation, calming, or social connection. Focus on developing a healthy relationship with technology, rather than criticizing or banning it entirely.
4. Offer healthy alternatives. Collaboratively invite your child to find other options, too, like movement, art, music, or quiet downtime. NOTE: you will need to get their buy-in to try something different, and that will depend on the issue you are trying to address.

Minimize Meltdowns!

Download a free tipsheet "Top 10 Ways to Stop Meltdowns in Their Tracks" to stop yelling and tantrums from everyone!

Find Out How