Sarah Rosensweet
Well, it started from a passion about parenting. I have three kids who are now 17, 20, and 23. I was a stay-at-home mom for a little more than a decade, and I really just threw my Type A, love-to-learn personality into parenting. I discovered the work of Alfie Kohn and some other early thinkers in the no-rewards-and-punishments, peaceful parenting philosophy—plus some “hippie” magazines and things like that. I loved thinking about how we can raise kids without that conventional “make-them-feel-bad-to-teach-them-a-lesson” mindset, or trying to control them to get them to do what we want. I really fell in love with that philosophy personally.

Then, when my youngest went to kindergarten and it was time to get a job, I had to figure out what was next. I’d previously worked in film and television, which I loved, but the hours weren’t conducive to being the kind of parent I wanted to be. So I needed something new. My husband said, “Why don’t you start your own business?” That was 12 years ago. I started working as a parenting coach, did a ton of professional development, training, and certification. I’ve built it up from there—and honestly, I’ve learned so much from my community and clients along the way.

Where you and I intersect is through the lens of complex kids. What I found was that a lot of people thought the peaceful parenting approach only worked with “easy” kids—kids without challenges. But my passion grew into helping parents of complex kids understand that yes, you can use peaceful parenting. You might need additional tools and strategies—like the kind of work you do—but the foundation still applies. That’s why we call it Reimagined Peaceful Parenting: to help folks understand this approach works even with out-of-the-box kiddos.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Yeah—love, love, love. And you can see, folks, why we get along so well. I love that you call it hippie parenting. For those of us with that throwback tendency, there's something about respect, kindness, and seeing our kids as individual human beings. Diane and I often say positive parenting is absolutely essential—and to your point, it’s not enough.

There are other tools you need with complex kids to make a difference. But without that positive foundation, the tools don’t work. That framework is what allows everything else to work. It creates the foundation for kids to take ownership of themselves.

Sarah Rosensweet
A hundred percent. I’d even argue it’s more important to have that foundation with complex kids. These are the kids who don’t like being bossed around. For example, complex kids can be more strong-willed than average—so it’s even more important to move away from the control mindset, the power-over mindset, and work with them. You need to be much more flexible when you're parenting complex kids, and that’s really built into this approach—collaboration and flexibility. So it’s always the place to start.

We often say to parents—who may not yet realize they have a complex kid, but have that gut feeling that something’s not working—“Try this approach for a few months. If you're still having a hard time, that probably means there’s something else going on, and you may need additional tools.”

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Yeah, there’s what’s going on—and then there’s what’s going on underneath what’s going on. And sometimes even underneath that. I couldn’t agree more. When you have kids who are struggling with feeling out of control—whether because of a diagnosis, trauma, or even a mismatch in parenting style—they’ll try to regain control in some way. Whether it’s through offense, defense, avoidance, or whatever, those are the kids who need us to be present and help them find healthy ways to feel in control. Not to control them.

Let’s talk a little more about control.

Sarah Rosensweet
Yeah. That’s another reason we’ve started talking about reimagining peaceful parenting. I was actually just preparing a quote post about how we’re moving away from using the words “limits” and “boundaries.” Not that we don’t believe in having them—you need limits in parenting. There are safety concerns, health considerations, and non-negotiables in every family.

But what started to worry me, as this style of parenting became more popular—whether you call it gentle parenting, peaceful parenting, conscious parenting, etc.—was that some parents didn’t fully understand the collaborative or respectful nature of the approach. They were using words like “limits” as a way to sugarcoat control. I said I’d come back to the topic of control, and here we are.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
No, I’m with you.

Sarah Rosensweet
When people use terms like “limits” and “boundaries,” sometimes it’s really just, “I’m still going to control my child—but in a nicer way. I’ll use empathy, but it’s still about getting what I want.” Or, “I’m setting this boundary because it’s my preference or makes life easier for me,” rather than thinking about the relationship or the child’s needs.

So that’s something we’re talking a lot about in my world—moving away from even using those words because it can be a slippery slope.

Instead, I like to talk about collaboration. Shout-out to my friend Vivek Patel, who has a YouTube channel where he talks about non-coercive, collaborative parenting. His work has really influenced mine. It’s all about moving away from control and toward collaboration. That’s really the core of it.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Yes! That’s a huge part of our model too—shifting from being the director to being the collaborator. I love the phrase “sugarcoated control.” I try to help parents understand that positive parenting isn’t just about being nice.

Maybe we should dive into that for a second. A lot of parents think, “If I’m just nicer about it…” but what happens is they either roll over and let the kids run the show, or they speak nicely while still using the same old control tactics. And that’s not what this is about. Where do you go with that?

 

Sarah Rosensweet
Well, first, it's funny—I was almost going to tell you this story earlier, and you’ll laugh at how I’m introducing it because of what we were talking about before we started recording. I was listening to this podcast called If Books Could Kill—have you heard of it? In one episode, they talk about Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua, which is all about the authoritarian parenting model.

These two guys—who I don’t even think have kids—go through the book and dig into the research behind it. They break it down and basically come to the same conclusion we know: that authoritative parenting, the middle ground, is what the research shows leads to the best outcomes for kids. It’s the idea of being the guide, like we’ve been talking about.

But the funny part is, at the end of the episode, they say, “So basically it just comes down to: be nice to your kids.”

Which made me laugh, because earlier you said, “It’s not about being nice”—and I know what you meant. I think what they really meant was “be respectful.” When I think of being nice in a good way, I think of treating your child the way you’d treat another adult—with basic respect. Like, you wouldn’t say to your partner, “Dinner’s ready,” and then slam their laptop shut if they didn’t immediately come to the table, right?

But being nice doesn’t mean avoiding hard feelings. You're still going to set limits. You're not going to buy every toy at Toys R Us just to avoid a meltdown, right?

So yes, be “nice” in the sense of respectful and considerate. But not “nice” in the sense of trying to keep your child from ever being upset. Does that make sense?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Totally. I think that’s a great way to frame it. It’s about showing respect for them as autonomous humans. Even when they’re kids, they have their own way of seeing the world. They have their own wants and needs, and their perspective is valid—just because it’s not aligned with our agenda doesn’t make it wrong.

We talk a lot about agendas—collaboration is about creating a shared agenda. And ideally, over time, we shift into a support role where it becomes their agenda. But if we’re holding the reins too tight, why should they even try to participate?

Sarah Rosensweet
Yes! That makes me think of two things. First, I think a lot of what we’re doing in this kind of parenting is recognizing how adult-centric our culture is. The needs and preferences of adults are often seen as more important than those of kids.

That doesn’t mean in our model we flip it and put kids’ needs above adults’—it’s not about that. It’s about collaboration. It’s about both mattering.

And second, I think about how important it is to drop your agenda—even just for a minute. Forget about getting the shoes on. Stop, breathe, and bring yourself back to center. A parent I worked with once said, “I realized I have to drop my agenda—even when I think it’s an awesome agenda.” That cracked me up, but it’s so real. We often think our agenda is so great, so necessary, that we hold on too tight.

Being flexible, even just to consider another point of view, is so important.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
So true. Let’s take a quick break—but actually, that reminded me of a question I want to ask when we come back.

[break]

Welcome back, everybody. I’m here with Sarah Rosensweet, and we’re talking about collaboration as the foundation of peaceful parenting.

Right before the break, we were talking about agenda—shared agendas vs. dropping your agenda. That’s kind of our catchphrase: Whose agenda is it?

And again, it’s not about centering only the adult or only the child—it’s about relationship. It’s about merging perspectives. The question I wanted to ask you ties into that “stop, drop, and breathe” mindset.

So often, as parents, our agendas come from wanting for our kids—we want them to succeed, to grow, to learn. But then it shifts. We start wanting from them. And that shift brings in expectations, pressure, and misaligned agendas. I’m curious how that idea lands for you.

Sarah Rosensweet
Yes, I’ve been thinking about that a lot. And I don’t know if this is exactly what you mean, but I keep coming back to the idea that there’s more than one path to a good life.

When you mentioned “wanting for them,” that’s what came to mind. We want our kids to have a good life—but in our culture, there’s often this narrow idea of what that looks like. And I know you talk about this in your book too. That’s why it’s so important to pause and reflect when we realize we’re holding an agenda.

When I say “drop your agenda,” sometimes that means forever—and sometimes it just means setting it down long enough to think. We ask:

• What is my agenda?

• Why do I have it?

• Is it necessary?

• Does my child need it?

• Do I need it?

That thoughtfulness is what matters. Because often, when we get stuck in our agenda, it’s driven by fear.

Fear that if my kid is melting down at 7, they’ll be out of control at 17. Or they’ll be 27 and abusive or in jail. We fast-forward into worst-case scenarios. So we try to control things now to prevent some future disaster.

But that fear gets in the way. It disconnects us from our child and from what’s actually happening in the moment.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Yes, exactly. That catastrophizing doesn’t help anyone—and it drives us to try and “fix” things immediately, whether it’s helpful or not.

Which brings us to control. Because I think both of us see it the same way—it’s not that control is bad. It’s that trying to control someone else becomes the problem. Would you agree?

Sarah Rosensweet
Definitely. Self-control is great—and it’s really the only kind of control we truly have. So when I talk about moving from control to collaboration, that’s what I mean. The only person you can really control is yourself.

And a big part of that is giving kids information they might be missing. I love thinking of it like this: parenting is like leading a tour group in Thailand, and the people in your group don’t speak Thai or know the local customs.

So our job is to help our kids—our little tourists—understand the “why” behind what’s happening. Why we’re doing this. Why this matters. Why we’re asking for something. It’s about giving them the big picture, in a respectful way.

When kids understand the why, they’re more likely to cooperate. It’s not about making them obey—it’s about helping them understand.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
As I hear you say that, I’m thinking about one of the tools we talk about a lot—asking permission. The approach is: “Ask, don’t tell.” You can tell your tour group anything because they signed up for the tour. What we’re doing as parents is inviting our kids to want to be on that tour.

Like:
“I have a thought—want to hear it?”
“Do you want to know what’s behind it?”

It’s about enrolling them instead of telling them. Because telling shuts kids down fast.

Sarah Rosensweet
Exactly. I often talk about the Goodwill Bank. It’s how I think about the influence we have on our kids. How much do they trust us? Do they care what we think? And when they’re teens, if they don’t, you’re in trouble.

You build that Goodwill Bank starting young—by listening, honoring their preferences, and not power-tripping. It’s like what you're saying with enrollment. You earn their trust with small deposits over time.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Totally. And it’s not just the big-picture trust. It’s also moment-to-moment. Especially with teens—you might want to teach something, but you have to ask, “Are they open to this right now?” If they’re not, you’re just lecturing. And we’ve all had that moment where we know it’s not landing, but we can’t stop ourselves.

Sarah Rosensweet
Yes! It's so frustrating that we can’t just upload our wisdom into their brains. I always joke, “If everyone just let me run their lives, they’d be so much happier.”

But that Mark Twain quote always comes to mind: “Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.”

So I’ll say to my kids—or encourage clients to say—“I have some thoughts. Do you want to hear them?” And often the answer is “No.” And then you have to zip it, even though you know your ideas are solid. If we always step in, they either shut down or don’t get the experience they need.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Exactly. But when they say no and we honor it, they’re more likely to say yes next time. That builds trust. And we need that trust, especially as they get older.

Sarah Rosensweet
Can I share a quick story? My youngest, 17, was home with her older brother while my husband and I were out of town. She told me she’d been invited to a party by someone she didn’t really know—and none of her close friends were going.

I said, “That sounds tricky, especially with us out of town.” And then I added, “If you were going with friends or knew the host better, I’d feel more comfortable.”

She said, “Yeah, you’re right, Mom. I don’t think I’m going to go.”

She could’ve snuck out. I didn’t forbid her—I just shared my concerns. But it worked because she trusted that I had her back.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
That’s the result of a relationship you’ve built. For anyone thinking, “My kid would never do that,” just know—it takes time. It’s a process. You build it step by step.

Sometimes we fall out of trust with them, and they fall out of trust with us—and even with themselves.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
That’s part of what coaching and conscious parenting help with. You rebuild trust with yourself so you can rebuild it with your child.

Sarah Rosensweet
What does that look like for you—trusting yourself as a parent?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
It’s about believing in your kids. Trusting that they can figure it out, that they don’t need you to make everything okay. And also trusting that if it’s not okay, you’ll figure it out together.

Sarah Rosensweet
That’s been coming up at home—my husband and I are a bit worried about one of our kids who just finished university and is in that “what’s next?” stage.

Last night I said, “We have to trust that he wants his life to work out.” I got that from The Self-Driven Child.

Even when they’re floundering, they still want it to work out. And that takes a leap of trust—at any age.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
I love that. I’ve said to my 23-year-old, “I don’t know what you’re gonna do, but I trust you’ll land on your feet.”

Sarah Rosensweet
Yes! I love that. I believe it too. But I’ve done this work a long time—and my husband’s a lawyer, so he’s wired differently.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
And guess what? That son just signed up for a course, and he’s going to take a professional exam. He surprised us all.

But I think a big part of it is that he’s always heard, “I trust you to figure it out.”

Sarah Rosensweet
Exactly. That starts early. When you don’t control everything—like saying, “Don’t do it that way, you’ll spill,” or “That’s too heavy”—you’re building the muscle for them to figure things out.

Of course they still need guidance. This isn’t about being permissive. But when you always step in, the message is: “You can’t handle it.”

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
And the message we do want to send is: “Bring it on. You’ve got this.”

That’s how I think about trusting ourselves as parents. It’s the “bring it on” mindset. Whatever comes, we can handle it. Our kids are resilient—and so are we.

There’s so much more I want to talk about, but we do need to wrap up.

Sarah Rosensweet
Well, you’re coming on my podcast, so we’ll keep going there.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Yes! You can find Sarah’s Peaceful Parenting Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, and all her resources at reimaginepeacefulparenting.com. Links are in the show notes. Definitely check her out.

Sarah, what do you want to leave people with?

Sarah Rosensweet
Just that this is a build. From the early years to the teen years. But it’s also never too late.

Even if your kid seems prickly or distant, they do want a good relationship with you. They do still need you.

So don’t give up. Start where you are.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
I couldn’t agree more. Every kid wants a relationship with their parent—if they feel safe. And that starts with how we receive them.

Sarah Rosensweet
Warmth matters so much. Just showing them that you like them and love them. That’s a good place to start.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Do you have a favorite quote or motto to share?

Sarah Rosensweet
Yes: “They’re doing the best they can.”

That belief carries me through hard moments—with kids, with clients, with the world. It helps me stay grounded and compassionate.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
I love that. I talk a lot about three things: You can’t change the past, people do the best they can with what they’ve got, and when they know better, they can do better.

Sarah Rosensweet
Exactly. Even when people do hurtful things, we can look at what tools or resources they had—or what happened to them.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Sarah, thank you. Thanks for your work, your voice, your heart.

Sarah Rosensweet
Thank you, Elaine.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
To everyone listening—take a moment. What’s your insight from this conversation? What do you want to carry into your week?

Thanks for all you’re doing for yourself and your kids. Stay tuned—Diane and I will be back with more from the community soon.

Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. See you next time.