Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the Parenting with Impact podcast. Today, I’m joined by Dr. Supreet Mann from Common Sense Media, and we’re going to have a real conversation about some important topics.

I was just explaining to Dr. Mann that this episode is the beginning of a series of conversations we’ll be having about the risks our kids face in the realm of technology—particularly the graphic, adult content that kids are being exposed to at alarmingly young ages.

This conversation started when my 23-year-old casually mentioned that there was no kid his age or in his generation who hadn’t been traumatized by the internet. That really caught my attention and prompted me to do some research and reach out to Common Sense Media to understand what’s going on.

We do a lot of work with parents of teens and young adults, and the issue of kids being addicted to technology is a constant concern—whether it’s about kids spending too much time on their devices or struggling to get off them. What I didn’t fully realize, though, was the extent to which teens and young adults are engaging with adult material in ways that were surprising to me.

So, I want to thank Dr. Supreet Mann and Common Sense Media not only for conducting this groundbreaking research but also for joining me today to talk about it.

Dr. Supreet Mann: Thank you so much for having me.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I’m so glad you’re here. Let’s start by setting the stage. You’re the Director of Research at Common Sense Media. Could you briefly tell us what Common Sense Media is and the kind of research you focus on?

Dr. Supreet Mann: Sure. Common Sense Media is the nation’s leading advocacy organization focused on protecting children from the potential harms of social media.

On the research side, we conduct studies to understand how children use media, what they learn from it, and explore ways parents and caregivers can help manage their children’s media environment.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Right. So, this isn’t about eliminating media from kids’ lives.

Dr. Supreet Mann: No, it’s about helping manage the media exposure they experience every day.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Exactly. Years ago, before the pandemic—or right at the beginning—we held what we called a Digital Sanity Summit. The universal theme from all the experts we interviewed back then, which still holds true today, was about helping our kids build a healthy relationship with technology.

We know that technology is here to stay. The question is: How do we help our kids engage with it in a healthy, conscious way? How do we raise kids who are mindful users of media rather than becoming victims of it?

Dr. Supreet Mann: Yeah, absolutely. 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Okay. So, you do a lot of research in various areas. Let’s talk about something that’s hard for people to discuss: what happens and how kids are getting access to materials that are not designed for their age. What can you tell us about that?

Dr. Supreet Mann: Sure. At Common Sense, we conducted a really interesting report in late 2022 or early 2023 that looked at teens and their use of pornography.

We surveyed over 1,000 teens aged 13 to 17 to understand their pornography consumption—how they’re accessing it, and whether their exposure was intentional (meaning they sought it out) or unintentional (meaning they were shown it by peers or accidentally clicked on links).

It was a fascinating study, one of the first of its kind. Researching teens and pornography is incredibly difficult, as you can imagine.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I can imagine.

Dr. Supreet Mann: Yes, so it was groundbreaking in many ways and shed a lot of light on this issue and how access plays out.

What we found was that the vast majority of respondents—73% of teens aged 13 to 17—had watched pornography online. More than half of them had been exposed by the time they were 13, with the average age of first exposure being 12. So, this is a significant concern.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: So, the average age is 12?

Dr. Supreet Mann: Yes, the average age was 12, but 54% had been exposed by the time they were 13.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Okay, so if the average age is 12, that means some of them were even younger?

Dr. Supreet Mann: Yes, that’s right. The youngest age we asked about was 10 or younger. About 15 to 20% of respondents had been exposed by age 10 or younger.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Wow. That must have been sobering to discover. What other findings stood out?

Dr. Supreet Mann: Another interesting finding was that we often think of pornography as a boys' issue, but what we found is that teen girls and teen boys were viewing pornography at pretty much the same rates.

There were differences between intentional and unintentional exposure, though. Teen boys were more likely to purposefully seek out pornography, while teen girls were more likely to be exposed unintentionally.

Overall, it’s not just a boys' issue. It’s something that affects children across all genders. This was one of the most surprising findings and really changed how we’ve talked about pornography.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah.

Dr. Supreet Mann: In terms of exposure...

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Right. So much for "boys will be boys."

Dr. Supreet Mann: Exactly. And there's probably an argument here about what "unintentional" exposure looks like. It can look like a lot of things, right? Unintentional exposure might be as simple as a peer turning their phone around to show you an image you shouldn’t have seen, or it could also come in the form of links appearing in your inbox. So, unintentional exposure can happen in many different ways across various spaces.

It's also really important to note that these teens may not be actively seeking out pornography, but they are still being exposed to it at very high rates.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Okay, what does "high rates" mean?

Dr. Supreet Mann: High rates mean that a large percentage of teens, both boys and girls—and we specifically oversampled LGBTQ+ teens as well—are being exposed to pornography unintentionally. The most common way this happens is by clicking on a link from a website they shouldn't have visited. The second most common is when a peer or classmate shows them pornography.

This brings in the issue of pornography viewing at schools, which is something else we asked about. We inquired how often teens have viewed pornography at school or on school-issued devices, and we found high numbers of teens who have encountered pornography in that way as well.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: So, when you say "high numbers"...

Dr. Supreet Mann: About a third of the teens we surveyed reported viewing pornography on school-issued devices or at school.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: What does that mean? Does it suggest that school systems aren't screening effectively, or are the kids just really clever? What's the implication here?

Dr. Supreet Mann: It's an interesting question. I think it probably doesn't differ much from what we might have seen in the "free cellphone" days, right? How different is this from someone bringing their parent's Playboy magazine to school and showing it to friends on the playground? It probably doesn’t differ that much.

What’s different now, however, is the sheer volume of images and the variety of content these kids are being exposed to. It's not just one image, but many different images, and sometimes those images are violent. Over half of the children who have been exposed to pornography report that they’ve seen violent content, including rape, choking, and sexual assault.

That's really alarming. They're not just being exposed to pornography at high rates—they’re being exposed to violent pornography. And they’re much less likely to encounter violent pornography that includes consent.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: There are so many directions to explore with this. What’s the sense of how this exposure, which is not just inappropriate but also violent and, for lack of a better word, scary, is impacting their relationships or their understanding of their own sexuality or sexual dynamics?

Dr. Supreet Mann: Yeah, and here's a bit of a silver lining. The findings show that while a majority of kids who view pornography—whether intentional or unintentional—have seen violent content, a large majority, about 70%, also recognize that pornography is not real and does not reflect real sexual experiences.

Now, of course, this doesn’t mean that pornography isn't shaping their understanding of sexual experiences, but when it comes to the question of whether pornography seems realistic to them, kids are less likely to view it as such.

This could be a potential silver lining. If we talk to kids earlier and more proactively about what healthy sexual experiences look like, we might be able to help shape their understanding even more effectively.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah, well, and that would require having open conversations about healthy sexual experiences.

Dr. Supreet Mann: Absolutely.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: And you have some research on that too.

Dr. Supreet Mann: I do. We also asked, and as I mentioned, this was one of the first studies of its kind, so we tried to include as many questions as we could about their sexual landscape and their experience with pornography.

Another thing we asked was how often they talk to adults or trusted caregivers about what they're seeing online. We also asked about other topics, like how often they talk to trusted adult caregivers about sex, birth control, and related issues.

What we found was that a pretty high percentage of kids—over half—are talking to their parents or trusted caregivers about birth control, sex, and relationships. However, the percentage of kids talking to those same people about pornography was much, much lower. Only 27% reported having talked to a parent, caregiver, or trusted adult about pornography.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Was there any correlation with that in terms of unintentional exposure?

Dr. Supreet Mann: We didn't specifically look at correlations between that and unintentional exposure. However, we did ask the kids if they wanted to talk to a parent or trusted caregiver about pornography. Unsurprisingly, most said they didn’t want to talk to their parents about it.

But what was interesting is that younger kids were more likely to say they would want to talk to their parents about pornography. Among 13- and 14-year-olds, almost half said they would be open to talking to their parents, but that number dropped as they got older. By the time they were 16 or 17, fewer expressed interest in discussing it with their parents.

This suggests that there might be a window of opportunity to have those conversations when kids are younger and potentially more open to them.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: So, preteens present an opportunity for proactive conversations, but by the time they’re teenagers, they’ve already distanced themselves a bit.

Dr. Supreet Mann: Exactly.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: I want to dive into what we should be talking to them about, but I’m not ready to go there quite yet. Is there anything else from the data or research that you think we should know?

Dr. Supreet Mann: As I mentioned, we oversampled LGBTQ+ teens because we were interested in how pornography exposure differs for that group. What we found was that rates of intentional pornography consumption were higher among LGBTQ+ kids, including transgender and non-binary respondents.

The rate of intentional exposure was about 66% for that group. Overall, they're more likely to seek out pornography intentionally. In comparison, the overall rate was about 44%, so that’s quite a bit higher than the general population.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: That’s interesting, and in some ways, not surprising, considering the identity-related issues they face, which often involve sexuality and sexual development.

Dr. Supreet Mann: Right.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: If you understand the dynamics within that community, you realize there’s a distinction between gender and sexuality. But at that age, they’re trying to figure it all out. So, I can see how that would play a role.

Dr. Supreet Mann: Exactly.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: It makes a lot of sense.

Dr. Supreet Mann: Right. 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: How frequently are kids experiencing exposure to pornography? For those who are actively seeking it out, how often are they encountering it?

Dr. Supreet Mann: We did ask kids about their exposure, specifically in the last week—how often they had viewed porn, what types they had seen, and overall, kids who are watching pornography are doing so at high rates. The exact numbers are in the report, but if I recall correctly, 59% reported watching it once a week or more. This was among teens who reported watching pornography intentionally.

So, of the 44% who said they had ever intentionally viewed pornography, more than half had watched it once a week or more, and about 41% said they watched it less frequently than once a week.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Wow. Okay, so 59%—I read something that mentioned 8 out of 10 days, or something like that. But I could be mistaken, and I can't cite the source on that. What I'm hearing you say, though, is that 59% of those who say they seek it out, which is 44% of the overall group, are watching at least once a week, if not more.

Dr. Supreet Mann: Exactly. And like I said earlier, while they understand that what they're viewing isn't real, they also indicate that they're learning from it. So, there's a kind of tension between knowing it's scripted or unrealistic and still using it as a tool to learn about sex.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Wow. Alright, let's take a quick break, and we'll be right back. Welcome back, everyone. My guest today is Dr. Supreet Mann from Common Sense Media, and we're discussing some groundbreaking research on teenagers and pornography, particularly their exposure to and use of it.

Before we dive into what kinds of conversations we should be having about this, can you tell us more? Has there been any research on young adults—anyone older than 18—or is it just focused on 13 to 18-year-olds, as you mentioned?

Dr. Supreet Mann: This report focused on 13 to 17-year-olds. There has been some other research on young adults, but I'm not as familiar with it. However, nothing as comprehensive as this study in terms of understanding how exposure to pornography begins. This research looks specifically at the onset of exposure and its impact at a critical developmental period. It's the first of its kind and groundbreaking in that sense.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: So, what should we understand about the impact on the development of a 10, 12, or 13-year-old child?

Dr. Supreet Mann: These are kids who are trying to better understand themselves, their own sexual experiences, and what their sexual preferences are, especially as they begin adolescence.

I think it's important to recognize how early this exposure can happen, how little conversation there is between kids and parents, and how younger kids are actually more likely to want to talk to their parents. This really highlights how vulnerable this time is for kids.

This is a period when kids are highly impressionable and starting to understand their place in the world. Not having these conversations as early as we should can negatively impact how kids interpret what they’re seeing in the media.

When we talk to parents about these findings, they are often quite surprised by the age of first exposure. This information comes as a shock to them. However, when we talk to educators, they’re not as surprised.

They see this happening in their classrooms and witness the conversations students are having. There's a gap between what parents believe is happening and what's actually happening.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: So, from your perspective, what do you want parents to understand better?

Dr. Supreet Mann: I want parents to understand that these are tricky and uncomfortable conversations. They're uncomfortable for kids, and they're uncomfortable for parents, too. But they are necessary conversations. Just like parents talk to their kids about sex and relationships, we also need to be talking about pornography.

What is pornography? How can they be critical of what they're seeing? What is healthy and unhealthy in terms of sexual relationships? These conversations help kids, especially if they are exposed to pornography unintentionally, understand what they're seeing. This understanding can prevent those experiences from shaping their own sexual development.

We want them to learn from their parents and trusted adults first, and while that can be difficult, it's essential.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yeah, I’m listening to your words and reflecting on what I could have done differently. I raised my kids in a very open environment, and I was a sexual health educator when they were younger, so they had an open line of communication with us.

And yet, I have to admit, it didn’t even occur to me to have these conversations. Partly because I was exposed to the neighbor’s Playboy or whatever, and I didn’t think of it as harmful. It took us a while to realize how immersive the whole technology world is.

Dr. Supreet Mann: Absolutely.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: A magazine in a basement once, or on the playground once, is very different from a daily exposure digest.

Dr. Supreet Mann: And it's constant— a barrage of different types of images and videos as well, right? One of the ways we've suggested parents approach their kids is by doing so in a way that's structured, brief, and has clear talking points. But also in a way that might not feel as awkward.

We recommend carpools as an opportunity, when you're able to look out the window without needing to make eye contact. That might be one of the easiest times to bring up some of these difficult conversations. Plus, you have a clear endpoint when you get to where you're going, which helps keep it digestible, while still opening the door to these kinds of conversations with your child.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: The other thing that comes up, which I hear you saying, Supreet, is how important it is to keep it very matter-of-fact, right? To keep our fear, anxiety, and energy out of it so that we create an open space for our kids to talk to us. This way, they feel comfortable saying, "Hey, I just read this, or I heard this, or whatever." What do you think about that?

Dr. Supreet Mann: Yes, I agree. I think another important piece is to try to keep judgment out of that space as well. When we see that LGBTQ+ teens are more likely to view pornography, there are many potential reasons for that.

It could be that they're seeking a space to better understand their own sexual experiences because they don’t feel they have peers or trusted adults they can connect with. Perhaps pornography offers some freedom in that sense.

So, it’s important to hold back judgment and keep the conversation positive and non-judgmental. I think it’s really important to have these kinds of discussions.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yes, so I hear you: non-judgment, positivity, and keeping it matter-of-fact helps manage our emotional reactions, right? Keeping it simple and brief, so this isn’t about sitting down for “the talk,” but about creating an environment that helps our kids see us as a safe space. Another thing I’m hearing as we talk is the importance of staying open and curious—finding out what our kids are curious about.

Dr. Supreet Mann: Yes.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: And being a resource for them, rather than “Dr. Google” or “Dr. Blackweb,” or whatever else they might turn to, right?

Dr. Supreet Mann: Yes, absolutely.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Supreet, thank you. I want to acknowledge the research and effort you've put into addressing this issue. I can imagine many people thought it shouldn't be done, and I think it’s really important for us to understand what our kids are being exposed to and how to best support them through it. Thank you for the work you're doing at Common Sense Media; I really appreciate it.

Dr. Supreet Mann: Thank you.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Tell us a little bit about how people can learn more about Common Sense and your work.

Dr. Supreet Mann: Absolutely. Our research report, along with other reports related to teens and mental health, media access, and some of our larger census reports that look at kids' media use—specifically the amount of time they're spending—can all be found on our main website: commonsensemedia.org/research.

In addition to this report, we also have a companion piece that offers guidance for parents seeking advice on how to talk to their kids about this topic. This piece is written by Dr. Emily Rothman from Boston University, and I think it will be incredibly helpful for parents trying to navigate this space.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Okay, so what I will commit to is making sure we get the specific links from Dr. Mann for both this research and the follow-up you're referencing. You can always find all these resources at commonsense.org/research, but we’ll make sure to include additional links in the show notes for a deeper dive, so you don’t have to search everywhere for them.

What else haven’t we covered that you’d like to make sure we include, or is there something we’ve already discussed that you want to emphasize? How would you like to wrap up this conversation?

Dr. Supreet Mann: I think we’ve covered a lot of important points. This report highlighted how crucial it is for parents to have these conversations with their kids, how younger kids are often more willing to have these talks, and the significant amount of violent content children may be exposed to on social media.

However, I also want to emphasize that we examined racial and ethnic stereotypes in pornography. One key finding is that kids of color are exposed to these stereotypes at higher rates and are more likely to feel bad about themselves because of it. For example, Black children are more likely to report feeling disgusted or self-conscious when encountering racial or ethnic stereotypes about Black people in pornography.

We need to understand that while kids know pornography may not be real, they still see themselves in it. They often use pornography as a learning tool. This isn’t just important from the perspective of pornography exposure, but also from a broader child development standpoint. It’s important that we think about what children are seeing and not villainize pornography as a completely taboo topic we shouldn’t discuss.

Instead, we should consider pornography as one way they’re connecting with others online and using media to shape their experiences, lives, and worldviews. We should use this as an opportunity to open up a space for conversation.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: So, what I’m hearing is that the conversation should not only address what they’re curious about or interested in but also help debunk some of the stereotypes they might be exposed to.

Dr. Supreet Mann: Exactly.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: To help them realize that they aren't seeing themselves, even though they look like them.

Dr. Supreet Mann: Exactly. To help them understand where these stereotypes come from, why they are problematic, and to help reaffirm who they are as individuals.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yes, and as I’m hearing you say that, I want to emphasize something important. Whether your child was unintentionally or intentionally exposed, we mustn’t equate their behavior with their value as a person.

They're not bad for being curious about exploring, exposing, or seeking, whether they are doing it intentionally or not. It doesn't make them bad kids—it makes them kids in this modern age.

I think that distinction is really important for us to remember and communicate to our kids: they are not bad people because of this.

Dr. Supreet Mann: Absolutely.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yes, especially for younger kids. I love the term you just used. We don’t want to villainize it.

It's part of the fabric of the world we live in, whether we agree with it or not, like it or not. So, we should frame it within the context of their curiosity and exploration, rather than judging or demonizing the behavior as "bad."

Dr. Supreet Mann: Yes, definitely.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Right. Well, thank you again, my friend, for all you’re doing and for sharing your expertise. I hope I can call on you again the next time you have a major research study because this has been great, and it's a rare opportunity for us. So, thank you very much.

Dr. Supreet Mann: Absolutely. Thank you.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Thank you for listening and for everything you're doing for yourself and your kids. This isn’t an easy conversation to hear, and it won’t be an easy conversation to have with your kids, regardless of their age.

I want to challenge you to think about what insights you’re taking from this conversation with Dr. Mann.

What are you aware of now? Which pieces are resonating with you? What has caught your attention, and what do you want to do with this information moving forward? What kinds of conversations do you want to have with your kids? What do you want to commit to in terms of creating a dynamic or conversation that lets your kids know you're open and available to them? What might that look like for you and your family?

Remember your role, your engagement, and your availability to your kids. It makes an enormous difference, folks. So thank you for being here and for being there for your kids. We’ll talk to you soon. Note that there will be a couple more conversations coming after this one, so I encourage you to tune in to the whole series, and I hope to see you in the next one. Take care, everyone.