Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Welcome back, everyone, to another conversation on the Parenting with Impact podcast. We are thrilled to introduce you to Kolby Kail. Kolby is the head speech-language pathologist at Kolby Kail Speech Therapy.

She has all the credentials: American Speech-Language-Hearing Association, California Speech-Language Pathologists, and more. I could list all her qualifications, but what I really want to share with you is that I've been following her work for several years. When we started this podcast, I was really excited because I wanted to meet her.

She was one of the first people I wanted to interview because there’s just this positive energy that comes from the work she does, the writing she shares, and the communication she brings to families and parents.

It makes sense, though, when I read her bio. Kolby believes there’s no better feeling than helping a child achieve their communicative goals while having fun. She integrates therapy goals into play activities that are both fun and functional, while prioritizing the establishment of trust and connection with families to ensure consistent progress. And that’s the energy I feel from you. It’s the sense I get from the work you do in the world.

So, I’m thrilled to have you here and excited to have a conversation with you about the work we all do in supporting families of complex kids. Welcome!

Kolby Kail: Thank you so much for having me.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: We’re thrilled to have you. Can you tell us a little bit about the work you do with families of complex kids and how you came to be doing this work?

Kolby Kail: I came into this work for many different reasons. I’m not exactly sure where the calling to work with special needs children and families came from, but it showed up pretty early. When I took a break from college, I always worked in nonprofits, places where you take individuals with special needs out into the community.

We’d go bowling, grocery shopping, or out for activities. I loved being with them. I’ve always loved being around children. I have a very bubbly personality and energy, and I think that helps bring out the best in kids because they aren’t intimidated by me. I’m not sure why exactly, but it works.

What I do with families is try to set an example of how to interact with your child, how to greet them, and be with them. You can’t just walk in and say, "Today we’re doing this." Kids really want to feel like you care. I always ask a question that pulls something out of them, like "Tell me one thing that’s a lie, one truth, and one thing that didn’t happen to you.

I’m going to guess which one it is." Of course, the types of questions depend on the child’s age, but the goal is to make the conversation more fun and show that I genuinely care about their life. This is crucial when working with families because, when it comes to developmental goals, they’re not always the family’s primary focus.

When you can listen to a family’s needs and address those while still working on developmental goals, they feel heard. And I believe that’s what sets me apart. I don’t just give the goals I think are important for the child or family; I truly listen to them and integrate their goals first. This allows them to see the progress they want in their family, and then I can come in and add in other areas we need to address.

I’m also a certified orofacial myologist, so I incorporate a lot of oral activities. I’m preparing to launch my first oral motor program. It might be called "Super Strong Speech," but I’m still deciding. I think it could also be called "Jumpstart" because it’s designed to prepare children for a strong articulation program or a myofunctional program if they have issues like tongue thrusting or need braces.

Overall, my main focus is articulation—helping children who are nonverbal or hard to understand develop language and communication skills. When a child doesn’t have a reliable "yes" or "no," it creates a difficult situation for everyone—parents, teachers, and the child. You can see the frustration and sadness in them because they can’t get their needs met. But just getting a child a reliable way to say yes or no—starting with something as simple as "Oh"—it changes their entire life and increases their independence. Independence and functionality are my primary goals.

That’s a quick overview of how I work with families. I want to ensure that no child gets bullied, that their voice isn’t overlooked in class, whether because they can’t structure sentences or have a speech issue like a lisp. I don’t want any child to be left out or feel less than. My goal is always to make sure your child’s voice is heard clearly, whether they need help with social skills, answering questions, understanding sarcasm, or just improving overall clarity.

Diane Dempster: What you’re describing really focuses on helping kids communicate what they want and need. Whether they have specific speech challenges or are just struggling to communicate, it’s about helping them stand in their power—being able to express themselves effectively and with confidence.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Confident is what comes to me. Yes.

Kolby Kail: I love the idea of standing in your power. I think it’s hard for adults to find their power, too—figuring out where it is and how to access it. But my focus is completely on children. I love working with parents as well, but I’ll be honest: connecting with parents is harder for me than connecting with the child and getting them to do the work. It’s not just about fun and games—anyone can play with a kid.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Maybe not anyone, but I’ll give you that.

Kolby Kail: I agree with you.

Diane Dempster: Yeah, what I hear you saying is that it’s about both, right? I was reflecting as Elaine was reading your bio, and the word fun really stands out. It’s a theme throughout what you do and what you're all about. So, I’m guessing part of your approach involves using fun to help kids connect with what they want and achieve their goals.

Kolby Kail: Absolutely. I put it in business terms because I think a lot of people understand business better than they understand their own kids sometimes. When you’re trying to get someone to buy your product, you don’t just push "buy, buy, buy." There’s a dance. You talk about their needs, your needs, and how it’s going to be beneficial for them. You go back and forth. It’s the same with kids. I find that they get to choose the fun activity, not me.

For example, I might say, "Today we’re playing Chutes and Ladders," but they get to choose what activity we do. Then, I integrate whatever their goal is into whatever activity they’ve chosen. I always aim to get at least two accurate responses before we move on to playtime. I focus hard on this. They have to do it twice in a row so I can see consistency and patterning.

In reality, I try to structure every single turn. On every turn, I make sure there’s a structured sentence that they need to say in the correct way. Then, I increase the length of the sentence, or I might make the grammatical structure harder. For example, I might add a negative into the sentence, or some other complexity. So, instead of just saying, "It’s my turn to flick the spinner," they might have to say, "It’s your turn to flick the spinner," or some other sentence, depending on the goal. This way, even when they’re playing the game they want to play, they’re still working on their goals. So yes, that’s the answer.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: You’re a communication expert, and what you’re really doing is having a very clear goal and agenda in your head of what’s required to help these kids. I think for many parents of complex kids, part of the overwhelm comes from not knowing what to do to help. What I’m hearing from you is that you have a very clear agenda, and you use play and fun to fulfill that agenda, while also incorporating what’s important to them. To me, that translates really beautifully to parenting. We have to keep it light and playful—but I guess we don’t have to. However, when we do, it’s more effective. And we want to make sure we’re considering their agenda and what’s important to them, too. It’s not just about your agenda, but your agenda works because you’re also hearing what’s important to the kids. Is that what I’m hearing?

Diane Dempster: And it’s not just about fun over here and work over there—it’s the integration that makes the magic.

Kolby Kail: Yes, absolutely. As much as I think you all understand the brain, ADHD, and the development process, I'm not sure if parents fully grasp how difficult it is for the child. The child really wants their teacher and friends to like them, and they’re trying so hard to meet everyone's expectations. They hold it together all day, responding the right way. When they get home, their conscious brain has been working for so long that their subconscious is exhausted.

So when they say, "I’ve told you that four times," it’s because they've spent the whole day trying to make their teacher like them and giving the right responses to their friends. At home, though, with you, they can let down their guard. You’re their safe place, and they know you love them unconditionally.

For parents, I want to remind you of that—you're their safe place. You're the one they should be able to break down with. I know it’s hard; I have two kids myself. But my point is this: our kids need as much grace as we do in tough situations. We need to give them the same understanding, especially when we feel frustrated by having to repeat things multiple times.

Instead of just saying, "I’ve already told you that," it might help to approach them more gently. Maybe try to involve them in the task, get them on your side first, and create a positive space before you jump into the structure and expectations. And when you do, make it small, manageable.

If they resist doing the task, try standing up, moving around, or going for a short walk, even if it's just around the cul-de-sac. Movement helps reset the brain. I’ve used this with my own kids in therapy. I don’t just take them out of their environment—whether it's home, school, or work—unless needed. Instead, we use small physical actions to redirect.

We might even do a little play with brain activities, just to break the pressure. Afterward, we can jump back into the task with a fresher mindset.

In my program, when you work with me, we set clear goals every month. We pick three goals, if possible, that your family can focus on. One goal for mom, one for dad, and you work on those for the whole month.

The point is to focus on just one thing at a time, rather than overwhelming yourselves with a full list. By doing that, you’ll see progress, and then, in the next month, we can tackle other goals with more clarity. This focused approach helps move the needle forward.

Instead of giving you an entire therapy plan all at once, I break it down into one clear goal for you to focus on. That way, you can be successful and make meaningful progress.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Here’s a list of 30 things for you to do.

Kolby Kail: There are 14 things on that list, but I only want you to focus on this one. It’s a small part of a much larger goal, just this one thing. You know what I mean? I agree with you about how overwhelming it can feel when you don’t know where to start. As therapists or coaches, it’s our job to take that pressure off you.

If you can’t handle the full program I’m giving you, my job is to adjust it so that it’s manageable and helps move things forward. Even if it takes a little longer, at least your child will be seeing progress. And not only will you be connecting with them, but you’ll also know exactly what your role is, so you won’t be overwhelmed by questions like, "Am I doing this right?" or "Am I not doing it right?"

Diane Dempster: Exactly. Parents are so overwhelmed because there are so many things to work on. Even well-meaning school psychologists often give parents long lists of suggestions, like behavior charts and other strategies. But there’s just too much to focus on at once.

We teach a concept called "taking aim," which is about picking one thing, like you said, and really focusing on it. You can scaffold the other things as you go along, but it’s all about finding successes in that one thing and partnering with your kids to achieve those successes.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: One thing at a time. But for some parents, it can feel overwhelming at first. Then, there’s this huge relief when they realize, "Okay, I have permission, as you said, to focus on just this one thing this month," instead of feeling like they have to work on fostering independence in absolutely everything at once. Trying to do that creates unrealistic expectations.

Kolby Kail: Exactly. In my program, I tell parents—and of course, you don’t have to follow everything I say, it's not about that—let’s say your one goal is to focus on isolation, whatever that may be. And by week three, you’ve really mastered that. Don’t rush ahead. Reinforce it. Every time you see progress, reinforce it.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Reinforce it.

Diane Dempster: And also, give them a little bit of downtime.

Kolby Kail: This is so easy for you! Oh man, do you remember how hard it was at the beginning when we first started? You’re blowing through this now. I bet it's easier for you than it is for me. Let’s go see if Dad can do it.

Let’s see if Johnny, your brother, can do it. But again, take it slow. Everything feels like a rush. Life is in such a hurry, and before we know it, our kids will be 13 and not need us anymore. My kids will always be my best friends. I won’t let that go.

When my kids are teenagers, I’m going to be their best friend. My kids are seven and nine right now, but for someone to say that my kids won’t want to be friends with me when they’re 16—that doesn’t sit right with me.

That’s not how it’s going to be. It gives me chills just thinking about it. I’m going to build them in such a way that they won’t turn to their friends just because they feel accepted by them. I’ll be the one who accepts them, and I’ll build them up. Not everything has to be about work or tasks; sometimes, I’m just going to tell them how great they are, how wonderful they are.

Life might seem easy for them, but I know life is hard. If we start feeding that positive reinforcement to our kids at five, think about it. Imagine what they’ll believe. I want them to feel like today is going to be easy, and everything will fall into place. The words we feed our children are incredibly important.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Yes, so powerful. There’s so much synergy in what I’m hearing from you. I want to point out a couple of things that I’m hearing from our conversations with parents. One is the importance of language. The language we use matters. Slowing things down, we call it taking a marathon view, staying connected, and keeping our relationship with our kids strong.

Being really mindful of how we speak to help them see what’s possible, rather than focusing on what’s broken, is crucial. It’s about creating a vision. We also talk about parenting from inspiration rather than desperation. Our kids feel whatever emotions we’re going through—if we’re afraid or feel that things will be hard, they’ll pick up on that too.

Kolby Kail: Totally agree. And I think the word "vision" that you’re talking about is key—if you don’t know where you’re going, life feels wobbly. What are you supposed to do? For me, I know what I’m building for my kids. They’re going to be amazing communicators, and they’re going to know exactly what they love. I want them to find that.

I want them to move through life in a way that’s happy. If I’m always rushing around, it’s easy to forget that. Being mindful and slowing down really gives them such a wonderful start. I think we’re all in too much of a hurry, and we don’t take the time to slow down and connect with our kids. I just think that’s the wrong approach.

Diane Dempster: It’s so hard because that connection is such a key foundation. Going back to what you were saying—parents really struggle to figure out what realistic expectations are. We’re talking about parents who have kids that really struggle, and we want to stretch them.

We want them to reach their full potential, to achieve as much success as possible. But we don’t always know what that looks like because, for most of us, it doesn’t look like how it was for us. We didn’t have the same kinds of challenges that our kids do, and it’s hard to know how to create that vision for them.

Kolby Kail: One thing I would challenge people to do when they think about their vision, or when they focus on a specific problem, like speech clarity, is to really ask yourself: What does that look like? What does that mean? Measurably, it could be your child easily using words and sentences in conversation. But what does that mean to you? There are steps along the way that will get you to that final goal. If you can see those steps, it becomes easier to stay motivated.

I help you see those steps as the leader of the therapy process. I’ll guide you through it so that you can see the wins and recognize the progress. Because if you don’t see those wins, you might give up. Most people struggle to stick with the program. But if I can help shift your mindset to understand that these small wins are getting us closer, you’ll see we’re moving forward. We’re walking up the stairs, so don’t back off. Even though the final goal might seem far off, consistency is key.

If you back out now, you might think, "This isn’t working," and quit, but we have to stay consistent. Consistency is the key. I challenge you to finish one program all the way through. I don’t care if it’s mine—find a great speech pathologist, stick with them, and commit to the program. Tell yourself, "I will see this through to the finish," just to find out: Is it me, or is it the program?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Well, and what you're saying is building on incremental success. We often say success breeds success. And so when you have a win, that gives you the motivation and the buy-in to work towards the next one, and then the next one, and that's what progress is towards success.

Kolby Kail: That's exactly right.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: And I will say that for a lot of parents in our community, the word consistency might as well be four letter word. So I want to offer that while I'm with you on consistency, it's what I hear is steady, sticking with it getting back on the horse. That doesn't mean that you have to do the same exact thing every single day, the same exact way. Consistency means making sure that your kids are able to rely on you to be there and be present to it. So speak to that a little bit because, in our community, consistency can freak people out.

Kolby Kail: And when I say consistent, what do I mean by that? Let’s go back to the original idea. I give a parent one goal, but I also ask for something else—your daily schedule. So, when you’re putting the dishes away and handing your child a spoon, or when they’re putting the dishes away themselves, have them say the "s" sound every time they touch the spoon, or whatever the goal might be. We integrate it into your day, so I’m not adding more tasks to your plate.

I’m simply identifying spots where I see a gap. For example, when you’re driving in the car, we can work on it there. I don’t need you to do it constantly, but I’ll give you specific spots throughout the day where you can work in two minutes of speech practice. As OTs, PTs, and I all work off the motor theory, the more often you practice something in short periods of time, the faster it becomes ingrained in your subconscious—this is the goal.

If you do two minutes in the car, two minutes while brushing your teeth, and two minutes at other times, that’s how we build consistency. I’ll suggest seven spots throughout the day, and I want you to try to hit three of them.

That’s what I mean by consistency. For example, you could put a sticky note on your fridge, and when you’re sitting around, say your "S" sound five times, then move on with your day. It’s not about sitting down for a 15-minute session at 4 o’clock. It's about integrating it into your routine in small, manageable chunks.

Diane Dempster: So Kolby, we've been talking about a lot of things that will help parents have a powerful impact about building and fun about helping your kids identify their goals about focusing on the positive qualities things. Is there anything else you'd like to share with our listeners, something that you hope parents will take away from our conversation today?

Kolby Kail: If I had anything, I would find one goal. Write down all the things. Let's just say that you want to improve in your own life and in your child's life and pick one for the month, pick one, and really try to consistently hit. Okay, I'm going to stop using the word consistency.

Diane Dempster: That's what you're going to work on this month is to stop saying the word consistency.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: In our world, it's kind of like the word plan. It's four letter word. 

Kolby Kail: Yeah, I do think that holding yourself accountable for things makes you trust yourself. If you know that you put a goal in front of you and you slowly hit that goal, you start to trust yourself that I hit my goals. And I want families to hit their goals because we all have them.

Everyone has things to work on. And if we can break it down with your child or your family into such a way that this is what you can do this month, and that's all I need you to do this month, move the needle forward, take the breath off, and breathe and slow down. Slow down. 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Slow down.

Kolby Kail: Yeah, and have fun even in your own day. Guys, I went on a journey, and I had to write the word smile and stick it in my car. So every time I got my car, I just smile through it because I lost my joy. I lost it. It was like every day; I had to make dinner, cook, kids, asking me questions.

I lost my joy. And it was like, this can't be it. It can't be it. So my only thing to do was fake smile driving in the car traffic fake it.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Fake it till you make it, right?

Kolby Kail: No. And at least it boosted my mood, and it gets you out. I had one that said breathe. Just breath.

Diane Dempster: Take a breath.

Kolby Kail: So I would say slow down and pick one thing and make it this so you don't feel so overwhelmed. 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Take aim on one thing as specifically as you possibly can, one thing at a time. Yep.

Diane Dempster: So how can our listeners get in touch with you, Kolby? What's the best place to find you?

Kolby Kail: You can find me on my website, which is kolbykailspeechtherapy.com, and there are scheduling places. I do free screenings, or even you could do like a brainstorm if this is more like a strong-willed child type of situation, and you just need a few tactics, and then we'll put one thing laser for you to do. So that's going to be there, or you could also give us a call 760-274-3575 and then on Facebook Kolby Kail.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Awesome. So before we wrap, and we're about to wrap, but we do like to ask do you have a favorite motto or quote that you would like to share with our listeners.

Kolby Kail: Oh gosh, it's a Dr. Seuss motto, and it was on my website before I changed it at all. I don't. Not on the tip of my tongue, so sorry. 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: That's okay. So is there a central message? I hear slow down a lot. Is there a takeaway message for us?

Diane Dempster: I hear fun, something about fun. You're so fun to talk to, Kolby.

Kolby Kail: You know I enjoy fun, and I enjoy energy. And so I say elevate your energy. And if you can't, dance. How about that? Because dancing in your favorite song Madonna, come on, who doesn't [inaudible]

Diane Dempster: Who doesn't like Madonna? Awesome, thank you so much, Kolby, for being with us today. This has been awesome, and the high energy, love that.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus: And to all of you listening, thanks for all you're doing for kids and for yourself. You are making a difference.