Struggling with screen time, online safety, or other tech battles at home? It might not be about increasing control. In this episode, Elaine and Diane explore how shifting from fear to curiosity, and prohibition to cooperation, can help kids build healthy, sustainable relationships with technology. Press play to learn how communication and empowerment can change everything.

What to expect in this episode:

• How to build a healthy relationship with tech beyond setting screen limits
• Why agreements work better than rules for managing technology use
• How to stop treating technology as the enemy in your home
• How (and why) to shift from control to long-term self-management
• Strategies for navigating tech use and school work without constant conflict

From Control to Cooperation: Rethinking Screen Time

Related Links:

• EP50: Tech Overwhelm & The Metaverse
• EP96: 2022 Intern’l Conf on ADHD Takeaways Part 2: Technology & Gaming Addiction
• EP228: Screen Time, Safety, and Smart Tech Use with Common Sense Media
• EP218: Family Meetings for Better Communication, Trust, and Connection
• EP207: Rebuilding Trust with Teens: Cleaning the Slate Conversations

Connect with ImpactParents:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/impactparents
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ImpactParents
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/impactparents

Our Discussion

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

If you’re a parent for whom technology is one of those hot-button issues, which means just about every parent on the planet, this episode is for you. Where do we want to start, Diane? This is no joke. We’re going to talk about technology. Part of the reason we’re talking about it now is because we’re hosting a one-day technology summit in May, and we’re in the process of curating it.

We’ve got some amazing speakers. We’ve got Common Sense Media. I think we’re going to have Family Online Safety by the time you hear this. Debbie Steinberg-Kuntz will be speaking. So we are deep in the thought process around what’s important for parents to understand about technology.

This felt like a great time to tee it up, talk about where we are now, and then maybe revisit it after the summer.

 

Diane Dempster

As you were saying that, Elaine, I think one of the most challenging pieces is knowing what actually matters and what doesn’t. That’s where a lot of parents struggle.

I remember distinctly, this isn’t the first parenting technology summit we’ve done. We did one back in 2020.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

When was it? Too many…

 

Diane Dempster

2020.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

If anybody remembers what that month signifies.

 

Diane Dempster

And everything was online. Everyone was online. It was kind of a crazy time.

But I think as parents, we need to pause and ask, “What do I actually need to be worried about?” I talk to parents about this all the time. Most of us were not digital natives. We didn’t grow up with technology like this.

I was at a party recently, and we were talking about how we got answers when we were kids. It was going to the encyclopedia, the library, or asking someone. We didn’t have instant access to everything at our fingertips like kids do now.

So part of the struggle for our generation is figuring out: Are we worrying too much, or do we not know what we should actually be worried about? Does that resonate for you, Elaine?

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

Yes and no. I agree that it’s about understanding where to put our attention. But I’m not sure we worry more than we should.

There are times when I think we should be very concerned. I had a conversation with our community last fall about AI, and I do think there’s a lot to pay attention to.

So our job isn’t to catastrophize everything, but to figure out what’s in our sphere of influence. What can we actually impact? Where do we want to focus our attention so that technology doesn’t dominate us, but becomes something we can manage as part of our lives?

 

Diane Dempster

True story. I have a 7-year-old grandkid, and they were over with their tablet playing a game I wasn’t familiar with. It was just the two of us, so I sat and watched.

I got curious about the connections, the rules, the strategy. I tried not to jump in with fear-based questions like, “Who’s that? What are they asking?”

I could feel that part of me that was scared because I didn’t understand it. But at the same time, I asked myself, “How can I stay curious instead of freaking out that this young child is interacting with other people online?”

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

That’s the key. What’s changed so quickly over the last 20 to 30 years is that something that used to be inaccessible to children is now everywhere.

You can’t go into a restaurant anymore without seeing a child on a device, often under the age of five.

So let’s name the areas of technology parents struggle with. I was going to say younger kids, but really it’s all ages.

There’s concern about access. What can they access? How do they access it? How do we protect them from inappropriate content?

That whole internet safety and parental control piece evolves as kids grow. But it doesn’t necessarily get less concerning. In some ways, it becomes even more complex.

 

Diane Dempster

I think there are different layers to this. There’s what they can find on the internet, and then there’s the other side, which is who can find them. That ties into social life and interactivity. Who can friend them, who can comment on their posts, who can engage with them in games or online spaces.

There’s been a lot of discussion around whether certain platforms or games are safe for kids and what age is appropriate. And then there’s also their digital footprint. Once something is out there, is it there forever? Can it be taken back? When can it be taken back? That whole piece feels related but slightly different. Is that separate from what you were talking about with internet safety?

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

No, I think it’s all connected. One of the areas we’re focusing on in the summit is exactly that. Parents are dealing with all these variations of the same core question: they’re on it, and I don’t know how to keep them safe on it.

 

Diane Dempster

Right. And then there’s another layer. It’s not just safety or total freedom. There’s this middle ground where we’re asking, how do we help them have a healthy relationship with technology?

We don’t want them on it 24/7, but they also need it for school. Then there’s the issue of using it in ways that aren’t helpful, like relying on it to complete assignments without actually learning.

You can type in an algebra equation and instantly get the answer. So what do kids actually need to learn? How do we help them balance using technology as a tool while still developing real understanding and responsibility in their education?

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

I hear two things in that. One is shifting from just keeping them safe to helping them build a healthy relationship with technology. That’s something we talk about a lot in our community. When we focus on what we do want instead of just what we don’t want, we’re more effective.

The second piece is education. Technology is now completely tied to how kids learn. A child might say they’re doing homework, but you see the screen change and know they’ve switched tabs.

So how do we hold them accountable? How do we support integrity in their work? There are so many questions around school and technology.

 

Diane Dempster

And for many of the families listening, you’ve got neurodivergent kids. Their impulse control may be different. Their ability to self-manage may be different.

Some kids can sit down, focus, finish their homework, and then move on. Others struggle when the entire internet is right there while they’re trying to work. That creates a very different challenge.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

Right. So there’s the school piece, and then going back to the idea of a healthy relationship, there’s also how we talk to them about it. That’s something we spend a lot of time on because communication can derail very quickly.

 

Diane Dempster

And I think a lot of parents default to control as the solution.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

Yeah.

 

Diane Dempster

That works when kids are younger. But ultimately, we want them to develop a healthy relationship with technology when they’re older and managing it on their own, whether they’re in college or still living at home.

So it’s about transitioning from parent-controlled management to self-management. And honestly, even as adults, we struggle with this.

There are days when I catch myself scrolling and think, “Why am I even here? Is this what I want to be doing?” It’s hard to avoid because it’s so accessible and so compelling.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

Yeah. I don’t struggle with this the same way some people do, but that’s because I find it overwhelming, so I tend to avoid it.

So let’s recap. We’ve got healthy relationships, communication, boundaries, access, and safety. A couple of other areas we haven’t talked about yet are the world of online social life. For many kids, especially as they move into preteen and teenage years, a lot of their social life is happening online in ways that feel very foreign to us and are easy to judge quickly.

So social dynamics, gaming, and technology are definitely areas that need attention. And related to that, but also distinct, is the rise of AI, which is impacting things much faster than most of us expected.

 

Diane Dempster

Yeah, and I’m wondering if we’re also going to address the role of technology in diagnosis and treatment. That feels like another important piece.

If you think about how kids were diagnosed with ADHD or anxiety years ago, it’s very different now. Technology can now interact with someone and help identify patterns or even contribute to a diagnosis.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

Sometimes it’s direct diagnosis, and sometimes it’s supporting the diagnostic process or treatment. But either way, technology is becoming a major part of how we understand and support neurodivergence.

We’re constantly seeing new apps designed to help people manage ADHD or autism. That wasn’t happening at this level even 10 years ago.

So let’s take a break because we’ve really set the stage. When we come back, we’ll talk about what to actually do about all of this.

We’ve done a solid job laying out the issues families are dealing with when it comes to technology. You can probably relate to at least one of them, if not several.

What we didn’t talk about is that sometimes we’re not just talking about our kids. We might also be talking about ourselves or our spouses.

 

Diane Dempster

Or ourselves. So, if you’re listening to this around spring 2026, the first thing you can do is sign up for the technology summit we’re hosting in May. You’ll hear from experts and get practical solutions.

If you can’t attend live, you can still access the recordings or explore other related resources.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

Yes, definitely join us if you can. But what we really want to focus on today are a couple of tools that can help right now.

One important mindset shift is that we tend to treat technology as something completely different from everything else. But what we’ve learned is that when we treat technology like any other toy, distraction, or challenge kids face, we actually manage it better.

 

Diane Dempster

That reminds me of something from when my kids were younger. Instead of making technology the enemy, I shifted my focus.

Rather than saying, “I want my kids to spend less time on screens,” I asked, “What do I want them to do more of?” I wanted them to be creative, to move their bodies, to learn, to play.

And the reality is, they can do all of those things using technology. So instead of focusing on limiting it, I focused on what they were actually doing with it. That shift made a big difference.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

Exactly. It’s about moving toward what we want instead of away from what we don’t want.

If we just say, “Don’t do that,” they’re going to go right back to it. But if we emphasize what matters, like movement or connection, then we can guide them more effectively.

I remember my kids using Pokémon Go as a way to get outside and move.

 

Diane Dempster

My daughter and I used to take online yoga classes together while she was away at college. We’d both follow the same video from different cities. It became a way to connect.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

That’s a great example. We don’t want to demonize technology. We want to use it as a tool to support what we value.

If every time your child picks up a device, your reaction is negative, they’ll feel that energy, and it will shut down communication.

So instead, we want to ask: how can we support what they care about, rather than forcing them to care about what we want?

 

Diane Dempster

A big part of that is communication and agreements.

For example, my young adult is currently living at home. We’ve had conversations about things like phone use at the dinner table or while watching a movie.

I’ve realized that sometimes I use my phone while watching TV, like playing solitaire, and it actually helps me stay engaged. But if I don’t explain that, it might come across as rude.

So instead, I say, “Hey, I like to do this while we watch. Is that okay?” That opens up a shared understanding instead of making assumptions.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

Right. You’re being intentional and transparent. You’re using technology to enhance the experience, not disconnect from it.

And that’s the key question. What are we really trying to achieve?

If the goal is connection, then the way technology is used matters more than whether it’s used at all.

 

Diane Dempster

Exactly. And that leads into agreements. We’re not just talking about rules. We’re talking about having conversations with our kids about what makes sense. I remember my kids saying they should have unlimited screen time. So I asked them what their friends were doing and what felt reasonable. Then I shared my perspective. From there, we worked toward something in the middle. Not total control from me and not total freedom for them, but a shared agreement. That’s the goal. Understanding each other’s perspective and creating agreements together, instead of just imposing rules.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

I think that’s where I see parents get into the biggest conflict, when we start off deciding what the rule should be without having had a conversation, without getting a sense of what our kids’ input is, without having them be part of it. Because remember, the goal is for them to learn to manage themselves ultimately, and they’re going to have a lifetime ahead of needing to learn to manage themselves. And so if we take that away and we don’t bring them in to be part of the process, if we don’t collaborate with them around it, we’re actually taking away the gift of their learning and their autonomy by doing it for them.

 

Diane Dempster

Right. Well, and not to mention the fact that if we’re putting them, again, if we’re trying to say this is the agreement, but it’s one-sided and I haven’t taken any time to get your buy-in, it’s not an agreement. It’s a rule. Let’s face it.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

Right. Which is another podcast episode, actually.

 

Diane Dempster

Yes, it is, about agreements.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

But it’s a really great point. What Diane said is an agreement means that people agree to it. And if we’re kind of forcing an agreement and they’re going, “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” just to get you off their back, it’s probably not actually an agreement, and you probably don’t have buy-in, and you’re probably going to end up back in some kind of conflict around it.

 

Diane Dempster

Well, and that may be… so reverse engineer that. If you notice that your kids are having a hard time adhering to the agreement you think is in place, they’re sneaking, or they’re having a hard time transitioning, or whatever it is, the place to start is to ask, do I have buy-in? And, oh, by the way, you have a neurospicy kid. So even if you do have buy-in, they may have a hard time adhering to the agreement. So the other part of an agreement is it has to work for everyone, and our job becomes, how do I help my kid adhere to the agreement rather than just being the disciplinarian when they don’t?

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

So there is so much more that we’re going to cover. We’re actually having an entire day with a half dozen-plus leading experts talking about these issues in just a few weeks, I think it’s May 19th. For now, what we’ve really tried to do is tee this up and help you see that there are many different aspects of dealing with technology in our families. What we want to invite is for you to see the range of it and give yourself and your family the opportunity to get into conversation about what’s important, how it serves you, and what you like about it. And instead of making it wrong, bad, or the problem, bring it into the conversation so you can problem-solve around it instead of demonizing it.

 

Diane Dempster

And the other part of it is that instead of controlling it yourself, you’re focused on the longer-term goal of helping your kids figure out what a healthy relationship with tech looks like and how to adhere to that themselves so that when they are living on their own, they can manage it more effectively.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

Yeah. We haven’t yet talked about using tech for diagnosis and treatment, and I’m actually going to cue that up and suggest we do another episode on that, because there’s so much out there now. There are so many resources, and it’s a whole other arena of how we use it. So let’s set ourselves up for success and have that conversation separately.

 

Diane Dempster

Awesome.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

So those of you listening, take a moment. What are you taking away from today? What’s your insight? What’s your awareness? What do you want to bring forward with you into your life this week?

 

Diane Dempster

Next up on the podcast, Elaine is going to be talking with Taylor Heaton about parenting while neurodivergent and how autism shapes the parenting journey.

 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus

And one more thing, if you like what you’re hearing on this podcast, please take a minute to like, follow, or subscribe wherever you’re listening. Even better, leave a review. Whatever you can do to let the world know that you think this is a valuable resource will support us in getting it out to more parents who need it.

Thank you for supporting us. Thanks for what you’re doing for yourself and for your kids. At the end of the day, my friend, you make an enormous difference. Take care. We’ll see you next time.